Broken (A suicide story)

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*Not Edited*

This chapter is sad n it might make u cry so u may want 2 get a few tissues just in case. And this isn't the ending, but its close. 2 more chapters before KABOOM! and I'm finished. God, I feel proud of not giving up xD
Anyways, on with the story...
Song 4 this chapter.... Idk. just choose a really sad song

"Where is it?!" I screamed, knocking over the damn vase of stupid roses. Find it! Find it! The monster in my head screamed at me and I felt overwhelmed, wanting to cry out in deperation. Instead, I ripped my hairs out from the roots viciously.

Look harder

I screamed, gripping my head in my hands, pleading for the voice to stop... to just leave me alone. But it was like a shadow, always following me, never wanting to give me space, it always bothered me. I just didn't know if I was either crazy or there was really someone in my head. But all I craved what that plastic bag that had become my favorite and addiction.

I just couldn't.

I couldn't control the need of it.

Everytime I tried, I just felt like I would suffocate and tear myself apart if I didn't just try it again. It was wrong, my deep concious mind knew, but I couldn't.

Find it, the voice in my head snarled.

"I don't know where it is!" I screamed, falling onto the floor and burst out bawling.

I was home alone, as usual. My dad and step mom and Keith had gone out to see a movie and eat dinner. It was a Friday afternoon, and I didn't remember where I had put that plastic bag. I had thought that if I hid the bag to keep it out of sight I'd be able to just leave it alone, but I was dead wrong. I had literly turned the house upside down looking for that.

Coco barked up at me, jumping onto my lap and without thinking, I did something terrible that shocked me. My hand whipped out and punched him across his small face. My mouth dropped open in disbelief. I couldn't believe... Coco whimpered, walking backward, his large coconut eyes on me.

And I had finally snapped out of it. The sad look in Coco's brown eyes made me realize.

"Coco," I tried softly, "I'm so sorry." But Coco scurried off upstairs and I choked.

Everything in my life was so messed up already. I had fucked up everything. Everything. I had chosen the wrong path and I couldn't find my way back anymore. I just couldn't continue down this road because I didn't want this. It was wrong. I was wrong. I cried silently into my arms, struggling to breathe as I did so.

I didn't know what to do anymore.

I didn't know if I should bring someone into my problems.

What would I say?

What will everyone say?

And most of all, what would Adam say?

Would he hate me forever? Would be break up with me? Would he look down at me like everyone else?

I was in too deep, I know. Which is exactly why I did the next things.

I went upstairs and got out a pen, blank papers, and envelopes. I began writing long letters for a few people, a total of five letters for specific people.

After I finished, I went to grab a cardboard box and punched a few holes in it with a knife. I grabbed Coco and put him in the box, then called a Taxi. In front of Adam's apartment door, I set down the box and opened it, kissing Coco on the head.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I placed one envelope on the box before leaving.

My next stop was Tulare Union High. I dropped two envelopes in the school's mail. One for all of the students and another one for Miss Perry.

I stopped at a small store to buy some candy and soda.

At home, I sat on my porch, eating a Snickers Bar and M&N's, while drinking a beer bottle. It tasted weird but what the hell. I left the last two letters on the counter before trudging up the bathroom. Under the cabinets, I took out one razor blade, which my step mom uses to shave her legs, and looked at myself in the mirror.

"I have no regrets," I murmured, pushing up my sleeves and pressing the sharp blade to wrist before sticing. I did the same to my other wrist, sliding down the wall, swallowing.

Roses are red
Violets are Blued
Sugar is sweet
And so are you
But the roses are wilted,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And my wrists are stained red

-Suffer, Macellare (A/N: Look it up in Wattpad)

Everything became dark and it was almost like I was a movie in the theaters, only the movie was about my life. There were flashes of my life and I could only watch:

"Don't you dare waste your daddy's money like that!"

"You look liked you've eaten enough to last the rest of your  life. You should consider eating less."

"You're a nobody and you'll always be a nobody."

"It numbs the pain I feel in me."

"You are a bad family."

"I'm Adam."

"They're wrong."

"About what?"

"I don't think you're ugly."

"Do you wanna go on a date with me?"

This isn't me.

"Because you are beautiful."

"I'm in love with you."

"Love you back."

I drifted off into a dark place, leaving with that perfect picture of Adam and I on my birthday.

Sorry I haven't been updating.
I just started 7'th grade on Thursday so it was all cray cray. Haha. Lots of cute boys. I got lost trying 2 find my classes. Ha, I'm a dumbass.
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♦Stay Strong & Beautiful
O_o, is Miracle gonna die?
~GhostFace_Scream_xD