honeysuckle (j. t.)

II; alexithymia

alexithymia: a personality construct characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions in the self.

do not start the song yet!
•✨•
josh pov

i awoke with the sun shining in my eyes. i roll over in my bed so that i can see better, and blink a little to officially wake myself up. i brushed the light purple hair away from my face, and leant on my arms to sit up.

i turnt towards my alarm clock, which read 6:03am. my work didn't start until 8. still, i lifted myself out of bed and stood up, stretching wide. i slipped on some slippers and walked into the bathroom. i stripped, avoiding the mirror. i turned on the water, and stepped into the lukewarm water. i washed my hair and body, and stepped out, shivering at the sudden rush of cold air.

wrapped in a towel, and half-dry, i sprint-walked to my bedroom. i dried the rest of the water droplets off my calves and arms, and squeezed the rest of the water out of my hair.

i threw the towel on the floor, and opened my closet. the pastel pink crop tops and skater skirts stared me in the face, begging to be worn. i decided against my will and went with a cropped sweatshirt and some jeans. opening my underwear drawer, i couldn't decide between a lounge lingerie set or plain boxers. weighing the pros and cons for a few minutes, i stared off into space. boxers it is, i decided.

grabbing half a bagel and slathering cream cheese on it, i tried tying my shoes with one hand. when that didn't work, i put the bagel in my mouth and tied both shoes. i grabbed my backpack (which really only held earbuds, a stuffy, and my lunch), my keys, and my namepin, and walked out to my car.

     driving towards the record shop, i noticed a dark cloud behind me. well, rainy it is, i thought. great, more shit to clean up. setting my backpack on the floor behind the cash register, i flipped the light switches for the lights inside and 'OPEN' sign. walking through the two aisles, i turned on the fairy lights on the middle shelves.

i unlocked the door and jingled the bells hooked on the doorway; for good luck. i walked back to the cash register and sat on the tall metal stool.

     i checked my phone absentmindedly, not paying attention to what was on it. the hours flew by, with few customers coming in and out without buying anything.

     i leaned over to pick up my backpack and grab my lunch out of it. lunch wasn't anything exciting, just lukewarm leftovers from last night. always the same; lukewarm leftovers, just like my life. lukewarm, lukewarm, lukewarm. nothing too hot or too cold, and i liked it that way.

     i ate the leftovers out of the plastic container, watching the door in case someone came in. as always, nobody. i'm surprised this place hasn't gone out of business yet. but it hasn't, so i've still got a job.

~time skip~

     unbeknownst to any customers, i always hold the stuffy i bring in my lap, as the counter is too high for them to see it. i stared down at the one i had brought today; a small, grey elephant. i smiled down at it. who knew an inanimate object could bring me so much happiness?

getting up from the stool, i placed the little animal on the stool, and went into the back to pick up the dry mop to clean the floors. the few customers i did have tracked water in and around the shop, so i had to clean it up. right as i placed the mop on the floor, the bells on the door jingled. oh fuck me.

     "welcome to honeysuckle records! how can i help you today?" i said, wishing the person would just leave.

     "i won't be needing help, thanks," a strangely familiar voice said from behind me. the man from yesterday.

     "um...uh...o...okay...l-let me know if you need anything," i managed. suddenly mopping the floors was a lot more interesting.

     i mopped the floor as best as i could, and put the mop back in the back room. "hey, i'm ready to check out," the husky voice calls softly.

     "oh...um...okay...here...i'll just...take these," i stuttered, taking his records and accidentally brushing his hands.

     i got up on my stool, grabbing the small elephant and placing it back on my lap. i punched in the serial code for the records slowly, trying not to mess up. my hands shook uncontrollably.

     "nice stuffed animal ya got there. i like it," the man said, gesturing to the small stuffed toy in my lap. "...josh? is it?"

     "oh...uh...i...thanks...yea," i said back. "h-here are your uh...um...records. your total is $32.64."

     he handed me his card, and a slip of paper. i swiped his card and pocketed the paper. he took his records off the counter, and left.

i got up again and placed the stuffed animal in my bag. i turned off the fairy lights in the aisles, and picked up my backpack. i slung the bag on my shoulder, flicked off the light switches, and shut the door, locking it behind me. i walked over and started my car. i slowly drove home, truing not to slide off the road. i reached my apartment, sneaking into the building and past brendon's home, not wanting to talk to him.

     i slipped the key in the lock and quietly shut the door, trying to make as little noise as possible. i could hear brendon's music thumping through the walls.

(start song now)

i could hear the drum hits and the baritone sound of ian's voice throughout my apartment. it gave me a sense of serenity. i took off my shoes, and placed my keys on the counter, as always. i listened for a moment, taking off my namepin.

dropping my bag on the floor, i walked to my bedroom, humming along to it. love will tear us apart, again. brendon's gotta be crying again. i paid little mind. slipping into my lounge clothes from last night, i took the slip of paper out of my jeans pocket.

tyler joseph
614-347-4567
call me, pretty boy

     holy shit. this made my day. i went back to empty my backpack, and realized brendon's music had almost ended. it was kind of sad. it felt empty. i reached into my backpack, and grabbed the empty plastic containers. i washed it, and decided on some salad.

     halfway through my salad, that man came to my mind. tyler joseph. damn. what a hot ass name. i ate the rest of my salad and cleaned up. should i text him? i wasn't sure.

     pulling out my phone, i opened contacts. i hit create new contact. i added his number, naming him tyler joseph; record shop. i fell asleep right at the kitchen counter, with my phone in my hand.

•✨•

a/n i hope you guys enjoyed the music i put in for this chapter!

word count | 1209

q: favorite song?

a: i cAnt dEciDe

drink water, eat a meal, take your meds, and get some sleep 'cause i love you :))