Dave x Reader (Stupidity Warning)

This is a One shot soooooo GO

Dave Strider. Hot DAMN did that boy make you sweat. He is slim, blonde and just to sum it up he was a Strider Sundae with a motherfucking giant steroidic cherry on top. And boy, don't you wish that sundae was yours?

ANYWHORE.

It was a regular day of Dave stalking for you when Dirk bro noticed you behind his fridge door. ya know, cause he had the bad munchies. "___. What the fuck are you doing in my kitchen?" "shhhhh." You placed your cold pointed finger over his loud gabble hole. You pursed your lips and shhhed the Stride bro. While you did that some of your hot spittle landed on his face. Bro squinted at your ridiculous shit faced self. "God dammit ___," You smiled in triumph as Bro left the kitchen mumbling curses with a banana in hand.

You tip toe your way through the Strider household and tripped over some useless shit lying around. "Damn you, glorified ass of el Smuppet" you glared at its intense rumpus. You continued on to the holy sanctum known as Dave Strider's room. You pushed his door open just a crack and peeped your snoopy ass eyes into his room.

Jegus. Christ.

That hot melting man was sleeping in his bed. in hid boxers. TORSO EXPOSED. HOLY CHRIST THAT ANGELIC SHIT WAS FLAUNTUNG HIS BARE BODY IN FRONT OF YOU HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT THAT WITHOUT BEING BLINDED- hey. Reader? Where are you going? You can't just prey on someone in their sleep- aaaaaand you are straddling the strider.

Dave suddenly yawns. What did you do? -breathing intensifies-

All of a sudden Dave smirks. Awhh was he having a good dream? Aaaand you are underneath Dave. You gripped your nose to prevent it from having a crazy blood fest. Dave looked at you and sighed. "_______." he said. "Yes Dave?" "_____ why are you in my room?" "Who is ____??" "What." "I AM CONSUELA THE CLEANING LADY AND I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR JOSE. AAYYYYYY CARUMBA."

Dave facepalmed harder than shit. He finally lied on top of you and gave up. "What am I going to do with you?" he sighed.  You giggled and sniffed his shirt. "The frick track <3" you chimed. Dave chuckled. All of a sudden Dirk Bro strides into the room. (heh, pun intended) in his right hand was the earlier banana with the baby preventer on it. (for those of you who don't know it IS A FUCKING CONDOM) In his left hand was a box if baby preventers. Dirk tossed both items at Dave and nodded towards him. Dave smirked and nodded back. and you? You were thankful that you were a Dave stalker that day.

And every day then on.

END.