no nut november (a diary)

diary entry 10

November 20th, 2018

My misery is near over. But not yet. I know I must fight to remain on the top of the food chain for my cravings. Thanksgiving is soon, very close actually. I can't wait to feast and get my mind away from what I wish to do to myself. I know better than to desire something as disgusting as that, yet I still long for that.

If my mother seen how I would turn out all these years later and see I'd become a chronic masturbator, I'd bet she'd just dropped it right there and sent me off. But she couldn't see how my future would play out.

Wish she could have honestly. She's walked in on me more times than I can count. I hate to horrify her, but I'm sure she's seen worse. Look who she's with, she's with my father for Christ's sake! But luckily he's not as bad as me. She'll catch him on the couch watching stuff all the time. And each time she does I think she feels horribly upset because it wasn't her.
Oh well

Maybe eventually I'll become wise enough to know my girl comes over me. Probably not but we'll see. Yeah so it's rough for a homie.
Really rough. Really rough. Really rough. Really rough.

It's really rough. But I'll get over my cravings eventually.

Maybe after highschool.

But probably not until I'm married

Okay maybe never.

We'll see.

-h