Chapter Four

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FOUR

The day Felice gave birth, Pavel went to the hospital. He learned that she had a baby girl and she was fine. Although he wanted to, he didn’t have the heart to look at their daughter and then walk away.

He couldn’t let them find out he had a daughter. If they knew, they would use her against him. He walked away from Felice that day because he had to. He was in love with her, but to protect her, himself and their child, convinced her he didn’t want the responsibility of children. He lied. He wanted nothing more than to be a family with Felice and their daughter. He wanted the all-American dream: white picket fence, a beautiful wife and wonderful children to come home to.

All too often however, he wasn’t home every night. They made him run from city to city, state to state, always at their bidding. Whenever and wherever…what kind of family life would that be? Additionally, he couldn’t let Felice be subjected to the threats he dealt with on a daily basis.

In the beginning, Felice was nothing but an amusement, a fling. She was beautiful and fun to be around. Despite that, over the short period of time they were together, he fell in love with her. Then…she told him she was pregnant. In no way could he put them through what he endured so many years ago. He could not stand the thought that Felice or his daughter could one day witness his murder as he did his parents’. He loved them too much to allow them to see something so tragic.

She had no knowledge of what he actually did. If she did, he doubted she would even have been with him in the first place. It was not something he wanted to do. It was something he knew his parents would expect of him.

To say his father’s career choice and the ultimate deaths of his parents changed his life is not only a cliché, but an understated one. He grew up to respect his parents, despite what Ivan, his father used to do for a living. Even though he hated it, the beginning of the end was constantly on his mind. He wasn’t able to stop the memories.

When he was thirteen, he begged his father to let him go with him to some meeting he was to have late that night. When his father told him no, he decided he would go anyway. He overhead Ivan tell his mother, Valentina he was going to make a telephone call and then leave. He grabbed the opportunity while his parents weren’t looking. He sneaked into the garage and hid on the floor in the back seat of his father’s car, knowing Ivan would never guess he was there. Little did he know, this one careless mistake would alter his life forever. It set him on a path of self-destruction.

To Pavel, it seemed they drove for miles. It was uncomfortable being cramped up in a ball on the floor. He couldn’t wait to be able to straighten his legs again. When the car stopped, his father got out. When he thought it was safe to do so, Pavel slowly popped his head up and looked around. They were in an alley. The area was full of abandoned warehouses. He unraveled himself, straightened his aching legs and cautiously crept out of the car, wondering which way his father went.

Before he had a chance to ponder a direction, a door to one of the warehouses suddenly flung open and smashed into the wall. A man ran out, not seeing Pavel. He quickly ducked down and hid by the rear tire of his father’s car.

Pavel slowly and carefully poked his head up over the edge of the trunk of the car in time to see his father dash out of the same door, holding a gun.

“Richmond, you’re not going anywhere. When the boss says it’s over, it’s over,” he heard his father tell the other man. “When you doubled-crossed him, you should have known what would happen.”

Pavel was unable to look away. The horror of seeing his father holding a man at gunpoint rendered him incapable of moving. He was on his knees with his small hands on the trunk of his father’s car, staring at the scene in front of him. With no feelings apparent in his eyes, his father took aim and shot the man in the back as he tried to run away. The man went down and his father slowly sauntered over to him. Pavel could see the man use what strength he had left to try and push himself up, but his father again raised the gun and shot the man in the back of the head.

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