ruin

part two

You were lost without him. You hated it, but it was the truth. You had no idea how to function without him to guide you.

It was your undoing, your need for him. You had finally freed yourself from his grasp, yet you wanted him so badly. He still controlled you. From miles away, he was able to manipulate you. Hovering over your shoulder, waiting to take you again.

He would come eventually, you knew better than to believe otherwise. It was just you didn't want him to. He ruined you, to the point of no return. The scars he left would never heal, staying to remind you of everything he put you through. To tell you that you could never do that to yourself again.

It hurt you too much.

You couldn't let your guilt get the better of you. He was a monster an you were better without him.

He was your ending, but also your beginning. After him your life was reset to begin anew. You could finally breathe, smile or cry. It didn't mean it wouldn't make you feel guilty, though.

You spend the next week texting Chanyeol. It could be about anything and he would find a way to spark conversation with you. You thought it was sweet that he wanted to talk to you so badly, but you never knew how to respond.

Lily had told you that you were all he ever talked about anymore. "He has a little crush," she joked. "I swear, it feels like we're in the fifth-fucking-grade." She pulled at her hair in frustration.

"You still are, sweetie."

She scowled at you before continuing her rant. "He keeps asking me about you, what you're like, things you're into. I can't take it anymore." She turned to you and took your hands in hers. "Please, just go out with him. I beg of you."

You escaped her loose grasp. "I think I'm good."

She rolled her head to the side, grunting at your answer. "You know what? Fine, I give up." Resting her elbows on the table, she held her head in her hands. "I'll just dig myself a grave."

"Now you know how I feel when I think about you."

Lily shot up, her mouth dropping and her hand coming to her chest. "You hurt me."

"Ah, well. What can ya do?"

"Go out with Chanyeol." Lily raised her head and gave you puppy eyes.

"Lily, you know how I am about those things," you brushed her off, trying to get off the topic.

"I know," she sighed, looking to the floor. "I just hate seeing you so sad. I saw you talking with Chanyeol, you looked cute together. And he's mad for you."

"I wouldn't say that. We have only talked in person once."

"That was enough for him."

You had to admit, you did like talking with him. How you felt free to say anything, but it was only a first impression and those can be deceiving.

You hadn't done anything all day when you got the message from Chanyeol. You didn't have to work or do anything productive. It was like most days. Scrolling through your computer, looking at the blissful lives others lived. You always wondered how someone could be so happy, how did they look past all the evils in the world.

You saw photos of people you used to know. People who once cared for you. People he he took you from.

Your phone buzzing pulled you from your computer. Bringing your attention to the lit-up screen.

FROM CHANYEOL [17:17]: are u busy right now

TO CHANYEOL [17:19]: not really

TO CHANYEOL [17:20]: may i ask why