today's thoughts~
since my trainee and debut days, i've always stuck by hoseok. he's the light of my life. i don't mean it to be corny but it's true. he doesn't let others control his emotions and that's what i love about him. i'm a frail rose waiting to be plucked and thrown away where as hoseok is the venus flytrap that catches everything that tries to get near me. i worry about hoseok though because he bottles up his feelings in order to make others happy. he is somewhat of a ticking time bomb. one that i try to diffuse slowly every day. i can't hold in my feelings like hoseok because trying to results in me getting anxiety attacks and then my members get worried. when i need to let my feelings out, i cry. and i cry. and i cry some more until i realize it's not worth it. sometimes i make reckless decisions because that is my response to being overwhelmed with life. i usually get drunk or i sit outside at 3AM breaking beer bottles and writing potential song lyrics about fury and rage at life. i find it funny that we can't control our own thoughts and emotions because people affect us from what they do and say. my actions are reactions of other people's actions...
i'm sorry this chapter is actual shit.
