Old YouTuber Stories

self conscious [ethan nestor](one)

I'm self conscious. Not just one thing but everything.

It started with my mom. She would make fun of my collar bones and how they were noticeable. I was only three. Whenever I wore clothing I would try and pull it up past my collar bones. I hated them. Once my mom noticed other people did. I never went to the park after that.

Then my dad. He would make fun of my accent. Because supposedly my mom cheated on my dad with some Irish guy leaving me with an Irish accent. I was only four. My dad always reminded me I wasn't his kid. Everyday constantly saying he didn't have to take care of me I wasn't his. They sent me to day care where people asked why I had an Irish accent and my parents didn't. I didn't know what yo tell them. One kid said it was because I was adopted. I didn't speak after that.

My brother said I was short. He would say how I was shorter than most girls and that I need to Google how to become taller. I was only six. He would remind me constantly by stepping over me because he's almost six foot. He would push me around. He would say stupid short jokes at me. I started to cry every week.

My sister said I was fat. She said how I wasn't normal weight for my height. I was only eight. She said how I needed to stop eating sugar and exercise. That no one will love me if I'm like this. I started eating less.

When mother was angry she yelled at me saying I was adopted. She said how she felt bad because when I was there I had a bad heart condition. I was only twelve. She said she wish she never adopted me. How I was a mistake. I cry every night now.

When dad was drunk he said I was ugly. How no one could love a girl with a horrible face. I was fourteen. He cut my face with his pocket knife. He left a scar on my cheek. On my neck. I started to cut now and wore makeup.

My teachers said how I was a bad student. That I didn't try in class. I was sixteen. I did try. I just never had any help at home because my parents were never home. I stopped going to real school and started online.

My ex boyfriend said I was unlovable. That no one should waste there time on a piece of garbage like me. I was seventeen. He'd yell racial slurs at me and saying how I was insane. I never left my room.

My step father said that no one wanted me here. That I was worthless. I was almost eighteen. He said how my "mother" should have kicked me out. How that everything I do is a mistake. I ran away.

I'm nineteen now and there's way more stuff I'm self conscious about. My eyes. They were a dull grey color. My hair. It was a black color. My teeth. I had braces now that I could afford them. My style. I would often wear hoodies to cover the marks along with skinny jeans. Everything. I can find a flaw in everything about my body. Chest? To small. Nails? To short. Name? Y/N, how original. Drawings? A three year old could do better. My life? I didn't leave my house rarely but for food. I'm just a complete failure. The one thing keeping me going?

Twenty year old, blue haired boy, Ethan Nestor.

•all these self conscious things are based of my real life. These are all things I'm self conscious about myself. No the people who said it in the story are not the people who said it to me. At least not the exact way.•