Flightless Bird

"Kiss mommy goodbye and close both locks", i said like a chant, though i knew perfectly well, that Max would never forget, he never did, sometimes it felt like Max was the adult and i was the child. Max stood up from the dining table, big grin on his face and pressed a wet kiss on my cheek leaving a chocolate milk stain afterwards, i ruffled his hair a little smiling at his innocent mischief and left for work with the bittersweet feeling of leaving my son behind present in my mind.

Every morning was a struggle to leave Max alone. "He is just a kid." words I punished myself with every day. He is just a kid, innocent in the bad decision i have made, on us being alone, of my extra shifts or the hours he is forced to spend alone... no fault.

We were at the mall walking through the isles and the shops.

"Mama, can we go see the animals?"

The pet shop he was talking about. He loves seeing the birds, every kid loves to see the puppies maybe even kittens but Max, he loved to see the birds.

"Look mama!"

He would say pointing to any bird jumping and flying from one side to the other of the glass cage. I was not a fan of birds or animals whatsoever but even after everything there is not a single thing that i wouldn't do for that kid so i stayed with him for as long as i could until we had to keep our routine, no matter how much time we'd spend there he'd always pout when i said that it was time to leave, just for a second and then bright smile again

On one Saturday, I woke up to go to work and together we made the food for the day, and as I was finishing cleaning the dishes and Ma was stacking everything up in the refrigerator

Max said in a very low voice, one that he rarely one that reminds me that despite how mature he is, in the end he is just a kid

"Mama can you stay? just for today" head down, puppy eyes. "Can we just watch t.v.?"

He was always alone, sometimes with his bubbly personality, radiant smiles and messy hair was hard to forget, he simply was the picture of happiness, maybe i was just proyecting

Summers were especially hard for us, no school, no friends, just Max and I, sometimes just Max. Now he was closer, still pleading, big brown eyes piercing my soul, and i swear i heard his heart break when i said with the sweetest smile that i managed to put "Mama has to go to work"

"As always" he said, as loud as a whisper, but i catched it. It froze me none of us said anything and i closed the door in my way to work with a "bye love", he understood, i knew he did but it didn't make it any easier.

I spent all my day thinking about my son, what could i do, i knew that boredom it's what made him miss me so much, Max was not the kind of sit still boy, we couldn't afford a nanny, not that he needed one, but he did need company, so when walking back home i saw and old man selling a canary i bought it, after all if there was a kid that could keep something alive it was Max. The old man said that canaries could repeat melodies, maybe that way the house wouldn't be so silent.

I was very excited to show him his present and he was too, his smile lighted up his whole face ant the it left his eyes, which was really weird, it felt, like he had aged instantly, but i let it go. The bird would sing for us every morning and Max would spent quite some time watching it with curious eyes. After 3 days i came home and didn't found Max waiting for me at the living room so in my way to his room i passed the cage of the bird finding it dead. My heart sank, my son must have been crushed, that was he wasn't at the living room i figured, yet i found him totally fine reading something in is bed. I told him about the bird in the sweetest way i could think of, but he didn't even flinched, just said that maybe now he was better and told me he wasn't hungry.

While i got rid of the bird i found his position rather weird, as if someone had killed him, but it couldn't be my boy, could it?. I shouldn't worry i told myself, but i couldn't get the thought out of my mind and even after another 3 days Max was still acting weird, not grieving, just plain weird, because of it i was sure. Max had killed the bird.

I decided to tell him and since Max had no clue on how to lie he told me the truth, he had killed the bird. "I'm so sorry mommy" he kept saying and saying while tears rolled down his face, but the bird was not the thing i was worried about, but why he did it, so after he calmed himself i asked him why he had do it and what he said i don't think i can ever forget. "He didn't deserve to be caged, if i can't get out i thought that maybe i could help him do so" my son felt trapped, punished, and that's where i got that somewhere along the way and despite how hard i tried not to, i had seriously screwed up.