treading lightly

endings and beginnings

On new years eve

We stand side by side amongst a tight knit crowd

They chant to the timing of the clocks hand

Our breaths laced with the smell of spirits

That we drunk from bottles that we shared

I lick my lips as if a drop of you remained

That warm pit in my stomach growing into flames

I see the couples around us hold their partners close

My fingers twitch to reach your hand as the sky explodes

In fire and passion, crackles and screams of joy filling the night air

But somehow my own heart is louder

I'm afraid you might hear it beating in my chest

Calling for you

My thoughts go blurry as the couples begin to kiss

And all i can think about is your soft lips against mine

Your olive skin reflecting the violent sky

Alight and proud

I feel anything but

I can't even talk to you as

I struggle against my longing

Shoving my hands in my pockets to keep them from holding you

Biting down on my lips to stop them from wrapping around yours

But my eyes stay, transfixed 

They don't tear away

Not even as that boy arrives

coiling his arm around your shoulder

Caging you against him as his hot breath spills over your neck

The strong stench of nicotine and malt liquor

Your brown eyes lock with mine in an apologetic gaze

As teeth scrap your neck and his hand trail lower

I bit my tongue and dug my nails into my palms

Metallic taste on my lips

Bloody crescents remained

If only I had stolen you away then

Grasped your hand in mine

lead you through that tight knit crowd

Pressed your soft lips to mine as the fireworks bloomed and settled

But I didn't

And you stayed caged

On new years eve

The day of endings and beginnings