The cold air was overwhelming my senses. My throat drying out and my mind beginning to spin along with the blur of snow before me. I feel lost, but at the same time I know I've been here before but only once. I felt like I should've been shivering but the numb state of my body matched the amount of words coming from my silent dialogue.
All I could do was walk absentminded. Left foot in front of the right, right foot in front of the left, just the simple algorithm. No more no less, and maybe I could finally take my poison which yes, I know its bad but hell, it's helped me longer and done stronger than those anxiety medications everyone wants to shove down my throat.
"Hey! WAIT A MINUTE!" I heard the echo of her voice shoot through the streets causing me to turn slightly, but only for a brief moment. All I could manage was a slight smirk then resuming my path.
I mean, who could blame me! Did I want this to happen? No, never this way... Did I even get a damn say in any of this?! No! I never get a word in! I cant handle this and I know it. I thought to myself. I could feel my emotions catching up with my tears as the warm and salty reminder ran down my left cheek, soon drying and freezing.
CRUSH, CRUSH, CRUSH, CRUSH
Her footsteps splattered snow against the covered sidewalks in a loud and somewhat aggressive manner. I didn't feel hatred from her though, only frustration and confusion. Well... until her paws got a grip on my right shoulder.
"What in the FUCK is your deal Gerald?!" My sister screamed in my face as she spun me around which astonished me. I had come face to face with her, only now realizing how important all of this was, but come on! All this news at once... how was I expected to handle all of this?
"Nothing!" I snapped back as I shoved her grip off me, then going to my front coat pocket for my pack of Winstons.
"Nothing? NOTHING?! What do you mean NOTHING??? You stormed out! On top of that, this was the last thing Mom and Dad needed from you and you know that!" She exclaims before stumbling back a bit with a shiver. I only stayed quiet as I grabbed my lighter.
"Look... I just can't do this. I've busted my fur all my life for this!" I replied as calmly as possible as I took off my coat, holding my cigarettes and lighter in one hand, and holding out my winter coat in the other. "Here, you look like you could use it more than me." She took it lightly draping it over her shoulders.
She didn't smile, or yell, or anything. She just stood silently sniffling as quietly as possible choking on her tears. The awkward silence was setting in by this point. The only noise to break it, was the snap of my lighter as sparks flew and a small ember was emitting from the small device. I pulled the cigarette up to my lips, and gave myself a wind guard as I took the first two puffs.
Finally, I could feel my anxiety dwindling down to nothing and I could breathe normally. I look down at the lit cancer stick, then back up to Karri. Her face was flustered and red but I didn't know what to do. For once in my life I knew that I didn't have a clue of where to go from here.
BAM!
She swung her arm harshly at me, missing my snout, but hitting my cheek giving me a full body shock. That stung... no harsher than her looks of sorrow.
Dammit! Is this really what being and adult was all about? I began to ponder, staying still from her hit staring down at the fallen cigarette that slowly burnt out in the snow. The cherry dying too.
"Why Gerald?.. Why can't you just do whats right for once!" Her voice ringing in my ears.
to be continued...
