I have plenty of fears but these are my biggest. I'm scared of silence. Of being alone for too long. I get left alone with my thoughts with nobody to speak to, nobody to distract me from my thoughts. When there are people they either don't understand our understand but freak out. What they need to get is that it scares me when they freak out, I don't want all that attention I don't want people crowding me, all I want is one person to help me, a close friend maybe. Someone who will comfort me, someone who will hold me as I cry, listen to me and reply calmly. But I can't find anyone and sometimes I am afraid that I'll never find someone like that, I'm too weird and I scare everykne away. I just get too excited. My councilor told me that maybe I should just calm down a bit but I can't help it, I love making new friends it makes me happy. I wish I could find someone like me, someone who is fine with my weirdness. Someone who is ok with me being loud and hyper, someone who is ok with my obsessions. I sometimes feel like I'll never find someone like that and I get scared. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life I couldn't handle it. It would be terrifying, going out into the real world by myself, with all those bugs that I can't kill myself (bugs are my worst fear), broken glass I can't pick up myself (I break glass all the time when I do the dishes and whenever I try to pick them up I get cut). I listen to Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance when I'm feeling like this because of the lyrics "I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone' they make me feel strong, like I am not afraid when really I am, it scares me more than anything. Other girls are like "I don't need a man" and I admire those girls, I wish I was like them but I am not. I am not a strong, independent, woman, I am a weak scared little girl. I can't walk this world alone, I will get lost. I am not afraid of death, I am afraid of life. I am afraid of being alone, I am afraid to keep living.
