Listen to Summertime sadness byh Lana del ray 2:52 - 3:07 is the part that I like the best.
"Is that all." the lady behind the counter asked. We are at Taco Bell getting lunch. "I have to say you will look like a princess in those dresses."Darby says as we find a seat.
"Look I have to tell you something....."I trail off. "What is it?" she says nervously "This isn't the first time I've been engaged and I don't just have Cyrus I have two other kids."I say nervously waiting for a response
"You what?"She says in disbelief . "Let's talk out side."She says grabbing my hand.
When we get outside she tell me to explain everything again.
"YOU SLUT!"She screams "I'm sorry."I wisper blinking back tears. "YOUR 21 ,HAVE BEEN ENGAGE ONCE BEFORE AND YOU HAVE 3 KIDS. YOUR ARE THE BIGGEST SLUT THERE IS YOU WHORE."She yells running away.
"SAYS THE ONE WHO'S BEEN MARRIED 3 TIMES AND YOUR F***ING 25!" I yell back
"AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE THREE KIDS AND AT 21."She yells.
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS AFTER HOW MANY ABORTIONS WHEN YOU WHERE,OH 15 ASSHOLE !" I yell back.
"YOUR A REAL BITCH YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?!"She yells.
"I HAD THE OPTION OF KILLING MY KIDS WHEN THEY WHERE HELPLESS BUT I DIDN'T UNLIKE YOU, YOU MURDER"
"I DID IT BECAUSE THE FATHER WAS AN ASSHOLE!"She yells
"THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN CHEATED AND LEFT WHEN I WAS 17! AND I STILL DIDN'T KILL MY HELPLESS CHILDREN. I'M NOT THE REAL BITCH YOUR THE REAL BITCH. I'M NOT THE SLUT, YOUR THE SLUT. I'M NOT THE MURDER ,YOUR THE MURDER. SO STOP YELLING AT ME FOR THINGS THAT YOU'VE DONE AND IF IT MEANS LOSING YOU AS A SISTER THAT'S FINE! I DON'T NEED YOU, YOU NEED ME SO GET OUT OF MY LIFE!" I yell as I run to my car and drive away.
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I walk through the door and run to our room,get something I've been using for years now, my razor. I walk into the bathroom and close the door and look at my arm.
Right as I begin to let the blade cross my skin Matt walks in. He see's the bleeding flesh and the razor that made me bleed. "What are you doing?" he says quietly.
"Matt I-"I say but he cut's me off "Why-"He says scrambling for words. "Why are you doing this?"He says as I see a tear going down his cheek, what have I done?
He grabs my wrists and I start to cry. "Why."He cries. "GUYS." He yells. "Matt please don't"I sob. "How long have you been doing this?"His words are as sharp as the blades. He lets go of my wrists and washes the makeup I use to cover my cuts off of my arm to reveal my whole arm of scars and fresh cuts.
He takes one look at all the scars and cuts and then sobs."How could you do this to me?"He cries.
"I'm so sorry."I wisper. I had been cutting for years, behind everyones back. "I don't deserve this." I wisper.
"You don't deserve what?" Matt says. "Life. I don't deserve to live. I'm useless."I say looking at my razor.
"Belle don't you ever say that again, you deserve to live you just made a mistake, I just don't know why-"He cuts himself off.
"Why what ?"I repeat. "Why you cut, you physically hurt yourself."He speaks.
I pause "Because I'm a very unhappy person and I don't show it so I cut and I get this rush before I do it, and then it all goes away when that blade hits my skin I feel pain to cover my pain and then I feel disgrace and worthlessness so I guess the process happens over and again until it becomes a habit." I sob
The guys walk in and see my arm, and at that moment I feel like I've let everyone down, I have let everyone down."Belle-"Aaron trails off in sorrow. I see a tear roll down everyones cheeks at different times.
"Why- why Belle?"Jack G. asks. "Look Belle, You cut, I cut."Aaron says grabbing a razor and lets it cut his skin.
"Aaron No!"I yell crying harder. "This is all my fault!"I yell grabbing the razor from him and putting it to my skin again.
"BELLE DON'T YOU DARE."Matt yells as the others watch. "I deserve this." I say letting it go across my skin but not before Aaron grabs it away and Matt holds my wrists.
"You'll get throught this." He says kissing my scars as the others come and kiss my scars. "Remeber you cut, we all cut. you can get through this."Matt says
"Promise?" I ask.
"I Promise."He replies
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A/N Please Read
To any of my readers who cut or have cut, It's a long term solution to a temporary problem.
Just know that you'll get through anything, it might take awhile to figure it out but I promise you'll get through it . Your not alone, in fact there where many time where I felt that that was the only way to solve things, but it's not so I didn't do it.
Cutting doesn't solve anything I personaly think that it is a way to let go of pain when you feel like that pain can't be let go,or there is no way to solve that pain. IT"S NOT.
If you feel like the pain is solved by cutting,then why do you cut over and over again. Just talk to someone about it, It could be your mom, dad,teacher, sister,brother, grandma, grandpa,counselor,principle, or even me, you can DM me on here and talk to me about, it's ok I can handle it,belive me.
It's not going to be easy,but it's a start, coming out and saying you cut or anyother type of selfharm is a start to get better. Don't feel like you can't talk to anyone, because you can.
I Promise thing will get better once again, I Promise.
YOU ARE READING
Do I? (Sequel to Caniff Child)
FanfictionTaylor has been out of the picture for years until he pushes his way back in? But now that Belle's becoming and Espinosa will he lose her for good? -Completed- Nov 21, 2014
