Is it really the end? - TinCan Story (MeanPlan)

VII.

Can is confused. Isn't he mad at me? Why is he doing this? Why is he like this?

He just stared at Tin while he wiped his lips. He wanted to ask many questions. He thought he saw a glimpse of fondness in his eyes but when Tin looks up, there's nothing.

I'm just fooling myself...
Why would he look at me like that? Am I stupid enough to think that I still have his heart when I come back? Stupid Can. Stupid.

Then the face of the woman in the airport popped in his head. And it slaps him back to reality.

What are you doing Ai Can? He's already taken! You should stay away from him. You should stay away from his life. You're not that desperate, right? You have to let him go. You have to. 

Realizing this, Can leaned back and put his spoon down. He looked at Tin and said, "I have to go. Ley is probably looking for me now."

Can stood up and pulled Gucci even before Tin could utter a word.

He felt the tears fall down as he walk fast. Away from the shop. Away from him. Away from Tin...

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Can had already calmed down when he arrived at his house. He just let Gucci roam around the house while he took the stairs and went straight to his bedroom. He jumped on his bed face down. And rolled after a while. He looked up to the ceiling and thought about what happened earlier.

He was so ashamed of himself. He was so was so ashamed to act like that in front of Tin.

Why can't he just forget him and move on? That's easy right? Or maybe not.

It's been 4 years... 4 years of regret.. Of longing.. Of pain and endurance... 4 years of convincing myself that I did the right thing...

Did I really made the right decision?
What if I gave him a chance?
What if I gave US a chance?
What if I didn't let myself decide for what I thought is right?
What if I took the risk?
What if I just let my heart dictate on what should I do instead of choosing the safe answer and let him go?
What if......

But who can blame him? It is the first the he felt that kind of emotion. The first time he felt so special. The first time that he felt those teenie weenie butterflies in his stomach every time he kissed me. The first time that I felt my heart was about to burst because it is beating so hard. The first time he felt that anger or should I say jealousy when Ley told him about Tin and Pete.

He doesn't want to feel that. He doesn't want to complicate things. He just want his life as normal as how it was efore he met Tin. A life where all he can think of was food and sleep.

But when he imagined his life without that annoying jerk who insulted his friends, without his bribes just to get a kiss in return, there's an unfamiliar pain crawling into his heart.

When Can heard his P'Type said that he's inlove, he can't help but ask himself, Is he really inlove? How would he know? He was never been in that situation before. He never had a girlfriend, nor a boyfriend for that matter. How was he supposed to react?

He was so confused.
That was all new to him.
Was he so wrong?

But the moment Tin turn his back on me... The moment his car left... There's a defeaning silence around me... It seems like my world stopped spinning... My heart crashing... And my tears are falling...