So let's start the story of my life from the beginning, I mean the beginning. My birthday is March, so that means I was conceived sometime in June. Simple maths, just square root 9 since that's how long it takes for a baby to be baked I guess then times your result by three and then backtrack from your birthday the 9 months and then u have the date u were conceived ;). Anyway, on the day of my birth, I was going to be born on the 19th but my lazy ass was like nah, we pushing for the 20th. So I was born at 12:05 am lol. Now listen it's not like I have perfect memory so some details might be obscured. All I remember was a light ok. I was pretty shook because I thought I had a third hand with no fingers but it's turns out my "third hand" wasn't a hand at all. Anyways, I saw the light and it was really bright! Think about it, I was swimming in darkness for 9 months, you kind of get used to like complete darkness after a while. I was like a bat. Then this random guy in a white coat comes and pulled me out like I'm some stuffed animal he won from a crane machine! What else is a baby supposed to do other than cry, I was furious! Then people have the nerve to ask why I cried so much. The nerve! Anyways, the doctor held me up and showed me to my dad like a was simba or something, I'm not joking, the guy brushed his thumb on my head like the lion king, only he didn't say "simba" he looked at me and said, "ugly...." so anyways, the doctor presents me and yells out "it's a girl!" Since I can't talk, in my head I'm like what did he just say! Doesn't he see my third hand! My mom was like let me see! The doctor hands me to her you know, that's great. She checks for herself right, she said something looked weird down there but she couldn't tell what. In my head I'm like, it's a third hand! What's so weird about it. My mom said that she thought it was a penis. So she asks the doctor to check again, the doctor looks but said he didn't see anything. In the end, he had to grab a magnifying glass in order to confirm that I was a boy! A magnifying glass! He couldn't see that by eye! After a whole argument and everything it's finally settled that I'm a boy. Great. Then another argument comes up, my parents are Latino right, that's black hair and all that. So they are confused why my hair was blonde. Then a whole new argument comes up, my mom accuses my dad of cheating because that's the only explanation that makes sense to her and all that bla bla bla. Then my dad is like no I didn't cheat bla bla bla. Anyway the doctor had to settle the situation by saying that the pigment in my hair didn't kick in yet. So I would have brunette hair. So that's another thing settled. Then the biggest argument of them all... my name. Oh that argument was violent, I'm telling you, it's was bad. So many names were passed around, John, Mark, Fernando, Juan, Pepe, carlita(don't ask), and soo many others it's not even funny. Anyways in the end my father won with his pick, Jehu. He said that it was a good strong name and no one would dare to bully me because of my name, let me just say, he was very wrong lol. But I'm ok with the name it's good, I think I'll do the same to my son. Sooo that was my first day on earth pretty much. It was great !
