A Change Of Heart ♀Kaylor

Five // V

"You said I'm full of dieseases
Your eyes were full of regret"

A bead of sweat cascaded down Taylor's forehead as she woke up screaming, clutching onto the blankets for dear life. She had accidentally allowed herself to briefly fall asleep again for the fifth time since Karlie left her three days ago.

Everytime she'd shut her eyes to fall asleep, her mind contorted into nightmares of Karlie and her demons - in the end, she just didn't sleep. Taylor would rather remember Karlie as the beautiful and kind girl she was in reality, than the cruel version that haunted her in her dreams.

As she sat up with her t-shirt soaked through around the neck, armpits and back, she daren't fall asleep again in fear of the nightmare reoccurring.

In the last three days, all she had done was wallow in her own tears and broken heart - attempting not to sleep, yet stayed in the bed. Only getting up to use the toilet or get food and drink (which usually wasn't very often). Her skin was a sickly pale colour, her blue eyes had completely died out - allowing no light to shine through them anymore and her eyes were constantly red and sore from all of the crying.

Taylor was broken in every sense of the word. She couldn't function adequately with Karlies presence gone.

Alongside all of this, she hadn't touched a drop of alcohol, her lungs hadn't been filled with cigarette smoke and her body hadn't been filled with illegal substances in the past three days. She hadn't gone this long without the previous items, since she was 19 years old.

Her body had become dependent on it all, yet the main thing Taylor had become dependent on was Karlie, and without her, nothing else would suffice and fill that gap.

The sun was just about to start setting, Taylor observed as she stared out of the window; watching the golden sky turn to an orange glow that would eventually be overshadowed by a deep blue.

Here comes another night where she will force herself to stay awake, instead of waking up in a puddle of sweat.

-

Midnight had approached faster than she thought it would and she gave it her best attempt to continue staying awake, she stared blankly up at the ceiling and then she started having flashbacks to every single time she had hurt Karlie. Taylor really did love the girl, even if she didn't say it enough or at all for that matter.

Then she couldn't help but let her mind drift back to the day Karlie left and the big argument they had about the brunettes cheating on her. Taylor doesn't even blame her for it, she thinks it's her fault why it happened - if only I had treated her properly and with respect, she may not have cheated.

Cringing slightly, she recalls the huge fight they had about it in the kitchen.

"You've probably been cheating on me the entire time! God knows how many fucking STD's you have, you slut!" Taylor yells as loud as she can to Karlie who just stares at her in a state of shock in response to the untrue words.

Immediately, she had regretted the words that had spilt out of her mouth in the heat of the moment. Taylor knew that Karlie could see the regret in her eyes at the choice of words - her use of Karlie cheating as a weapon crosses the line and she instantly regrets her outburst.

However, Taylor had been too stubborn to admit she was wrong in saying what she said, and continued without so much as an apology, despite knowing it would further damage their already failing relationship.

"I should've just apologised," she whispers to herself in the lonely apartment, tears streaming down her face again. She had cried so many times she was shocked there were any left, but she continued to surprise herself as more managed to spill out of her empty and lifeless eyes.

Maybe if she had apologised, they could've worked on what wasn't working in the relationship. Taylor would've done anything for Karlie to stay - she would've quit the drugs and alcohol, she would see a therapist, she'd tell Karlie she loved her a ridiculous amount of times a day. Anything. She would've done anything. But know it was too late.

She wondered what Karlie was doing right now. Where was she? Who was she with? How is she feeling? Is she as heartbroken? All questions that Taylor wanted to answers to, but knew she'd never get.

Then she lays on her back in silence for at least thirty minutes before her phone starts ringing on the side table, she's slightly startled by the loud and sudden noise but she wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone so she ignored it - blocking out the incessant ringtone that was annoying her.

Just as she thought they'd given up, the phone started ringing again - she checked the caller ID, 'Harry Styles'.

"Fuck off," she says to herself, as she declines the second call.

The third time he called Taylor, with her not having much patience, she just simply threw the phone at the wall, leaving the screen broken as it fell to the floor. 

"UGH!" She screamed in frustration, that was possibly one of the worst decision she's ever made on impulse. Now she had to get her phone screen replaced if she wanted any chance of reading the screen.

From the floor, the phone began to ring for a fourth time, the cracked phone screen lighting up. Although, this time she picked it up, hoping to get rid of Harry soon so she could go back to her depressed self.

"Hey, where the fuck ha-"

He was cut off by the blonde, "Karlie and I broke up. Now leave me the fuck alone before I break your neck, dickhead. Tell the others not to call me either."

She rested her head back on the pillow and found herself drifting off, despite not wanting the sleep to conquer her.

She lost, and once again woke up ten minutes covered in more sweat seeping from her pores.

Taylor just missed Karlie. The way she spoke, the way her face lit up like a child when she got excited, the way she would kiss Taylor in the middle of her sentences; then the blonde realised these were all the things she used to do and hadn't done them in the past few years.

Karlie had been her eternal sunshine that seemed to die as Taylor took more and more pieces from her.