In the Wings

o n e

Sonal Accord-Rajan believed that bad days were a gift. They were a chance to gaze up into the sky and watch the gold of a crisp twilight mold into an indigo-hued dusk, wondering to whoever or whatever lay beyond this life, "how can I change?". But today was not one of those days.

"Not your usual work, Sonali."

Dr. Petit's words echoed in Sonal's head as she stared at the red chicken-scratch lining the margins of the paper. She flipped to the scoring sheet, and her eyes dropped to the bottom, where an ugly 85 out of 100 screamed out at her. Sonal distinctly remembered the night before this paper was due two weeks ago. She had put it off for one week and only had two nights to work on it. That day was a bad one too. Mother called her in the morning, and later that day, Sonal skinned her knee after someone bumped into her on the way to class. She had turned up to class 30 minutes late, clad in the only pair of shorts she owned and a pile of gauze haphazardly plastered onto her knee. The stares Sonal received from the class were sharp, judgemental spikes, gnawing into her conscience. The thin film of sweat that soaked her head to toe did not help. Even in mid-October, it was still hot, scalding even. And that night, as she watched the orange in the sky fade into the coolness of the summer stars, she sat quietly contemplating what she could fix about herself. But no answer came to her mind.

Rather, she saw no point in piecing together something that seemed forever broken.

That's how it had been lately. Every day was a bad day. And today was definitely no exception.

Throwing the paper down, Sonal looked up to discuss any chance of a makeup but Dr. Petit was already marching through the next row, the clicking of her heels audible even on the carpet floor.

Sonal sighed and looked to her right to see Bennett Martin, seemingly pleased with his score. But after spending more than a quarter with him in the class, she was well aware that he was content with any passing grade. The golden-haired boy turned towards Sonal as she stared at the grade, her first B all year.

"What's wrong? Got an A-minus?" he mocked.

"Don't be an ass Bennett," Sonal spat back. The embarrassment she felt that she had not received any type of A was unmatched, even in comparison to her skinned knee. Sonal glanced at the digital clock hanging at the front of the room and stuffed her laptop into her overflowing messenger bag. Professor Wilde had office hours soon, and she needed to see him for the exam coming up. Her schedule was the only thing that provided structure to her life, albeit poorly. Often, she felt that if her days were less cluttered, she would finally be able to break her coffee addiction, but, like her schedule, coffee gave her some kind of stability, and there was no way she could part with it.

Bennett opened his mouth to respond but promptly shut it, watching Sonal's slim figure exit the classroom. His eye caught on the paper in her hand where an 85 out of 100 stood out at the bottom of the page. A smug smile formed on Bennett's lips as he looked down at his own 90 out of 100. Packing his bag, Bennett too remembered the night before the paper was due.

"When did you start caring about school?" his roommate Judson had asked when Bennett was editing his paper.

Getting kicked out of USC's honors college at the end of last year was a slap in the face. While he had always been a bit of a slacker, he got by with decent grades accompanied by scrutinizing glares from his relatives during the holidays. He also knew that letting his grades slip would get him suspended from the soccer team, and, while his grades were nowhere near that low, Bennett recounted a few months in high school when his grades were indeed that low.

Bennett left the classroom and crossed the quad, acknowledging a group of junior girls he had talked to at a party last week and a guy on the soccer team. At last, Bennett had made his way out of the bustling campus when his darling Physics lab partner, Casper, called his name. They saw each other twice a week and each time, he spent most of the lab talking about himself. Bennett pretended not to have heard Casper, quickening his pace towards his apartment that laid on the outskirts of the campus. Still, he caught up with ease. Bennett had almost forgotten that Casper, with his long muscular legs, was USC's champion swimmer.

"Bennett, ignoring me doesn't accomplish anything," Casper stated matter-of-factly. Bennett said nothing. He had agreed to partner with Casper this year out of necessity. He walked in a little late on the first day and took the only empty seat left, which happened to be next to Casper. Not that he was complaining. Casper was his ticket to an A in Physics this year. His roommates, Mav, Judson, and Imran, always joked about how much time he spent with him, but Bennett found Casper intriguing.

He liked to imagine what his life would be like if he was more like Casper. His parents were probably spewing praises about him. Bennett lost all hope of his own parents doing that the minute he gulped down his first sip of vodka in eighth grade. It's not that he was a disappointment, even though he most definitely was in his own eyes. His sister used to describe it as wasted potential. One night during the summer, Holland, who was visiting for a week, had come up to his room after another tense family dinner. She phrased it worse than anyone ever had, but it was a reality check for him; he had to get his shit together.

"They're not disappointed in you, just worried. They know you're smart, and they know that you have amazing potential if you apply yourself, but they just hope you know what you're getting yourself into," Holland explained.

"And what exactly am I getting myself into?" Bennett questioned. Part of him asked just to have something else to say to her. But the other part of him genuinely wondered what his parents, and Holland, thought about his choices.

"Soccer is not an easy career. Hell, it's fucking hard to get noticed in a world with so much talent. Take it from me. You saw how much ballet meant to me, but passionate or not, it all went to shit in the end. Thankfully, I had a plan B to lean back on."

"Well, I have a plan B too," Bennett cut in.

"A doctor is not really a plan B. It's a plan A."

"And becoming a lawyer was a plan B?"

"Hey! I worked my ass off for that. And from these past few years, it doesn't seem like you're up to that kind of challenge."

Which, translated, meant that both his sister and his parents believed he lacked the discipline to have a professional career of any kind. And Bennett couldn't blame them. If he talked to his high school self today, he would have hated him too. But this year was a fresh slate and he was going to exploit the three years he still had left here.

"Do you want to try this new plant cafe tomorrow?" Casper's sharp voice snapped Bennett out of his memory. It suddenly hit him that they were supposed to meet tomorrow to finish the lab report due next week.

"A what?" Only Casper would discover a plant cafe, whatever that was.

"Exactly what it sounds like. A cafe that is inhabited by many species of plants."

"So, a greenhouse."

Casper laughed. He had always appreciated Bennett's dry sense of humor. "Sure Bennett."

Bennett nodded and continued his trek to the apartment. Checking his phone, he realized that he was going to be late to practice and he knew exactly what that meant. Coach would have him run an extra three miles. He broke out into a run, almost tripping up the stairs as he dashed to his room, exchanged his book bag for his practice bag, and sprinted to the soccer field. Bennett reached in record time and glancing at his watch, he noticed that his mile time had dropped. The spark of excitement that this simple joy had elicited was soon crushed by Coach's booming voice, "Nice of you to show up, Martin."

And that's when he knew he was dead meat.

author's note

hope you all liked this first part and are looking forward to the next one!