Twist Of Fate

Thirty Two

CHLOE 

We can't stay here, but he doesn't rush me to leave. I know that every second I remain here, wailing in plain sight, increases the risk of being seen and being caught. I don't want to do anything to jeopardise our liberty, but I can't control the six years of suppressed emotions that have suddenly all boiled to the surface at once. I don't know what I was expecting to feel when I finally came here, but it wasn't this all-encompassing, life consuming, gut-wrenching pain. 

He allows me to hit him, to scream into his chest, to tell him how unfair it is, and he does nothing but hold me in his arms and let me just be me. He will never know how much I needed these moments, and how essential they were to my survival.

I don't know how much time passes. It could be a minute, it could be an hour. I have no concept of anything other than my own grief. My eyes feel red raw and puffy. My throat is hoarse from crying. I am desperate for a drink. He is probably ready to pass out from heat and lack of fluids, but still he says nothing. He understands it must be me to be the one to suggest we leave. It must be me to speak first.

Eventually the torrent of emotion begins to slow, until it is no more than a trickle of a tear on my cheek and an occasional involuntary gasp for breath. I wipe my face with my fingers, my head throbbing. The trees continue to rustle in the warm breeze. The birds continue their song above us. A butterfly flutters by, minding its own business and ignoring us both. The world turns. Life goes on.

I look up into Harry's eyes.

"I'm ready now."

He nods, and helps me to my feet, his own legs wobbling probably from lack of circulation thanks to kneeling on the ground for so long holding me still. I bend down and kiss both sides of the headstone, leaving my imprint on each of their names, so a tiny part of me, however miniscule, may be with them forever. I don't know when, if ever, I will be back here again.

Together we make our way slowly and carefully along the row of headstones back to the path. We retrace our steps through the quiet little cemetery, the only sound the ever-present birdsong, the swish of our feet through the grass, and the occasional sniff from me as I wipe my hands repeatedly over my face to clear away the tears.

I pause again at the entrance to glance at the tall war memorial, before turning out onto the street and making a beeline for a small cafe a couple of doors down. If nothing else I need to work out where we can stay tonight, not to mention we are both hungry and probably dehydrated. I don't know how long it has been since either of us ate or drank. The events of today feel strangely surreal.

We order some food and I start to pull the atlas out of my rucksack to start plotting the next part of our journey. Harry catches my wrist, and as I look up at him in apprehension he gives his head a brief shake. "We'll stay in a hotel tonight."

"But - I thought... you don't want to risk being caught..."

"I think we could both use a hot shower and a comfy bed."

I don't argue with this. I am physically, mentally and emotionally drained. 

I gulp down the glass of water that arrives at the table a minute later and immediately request another. My lunch is delivered not long after, and it takes me less than ten minutes to consume the lot. It is mid afternoon, and we haven't eaten anything since a couple of cereal bars first thing this morning.

There isn't much to say as we sit opposite each other, devouring our food. Our relationship has changed in the last two hours, and gone from one of vague (in)tolerance, to something more. We have had moments of understanding in the past, snapshots of closeness, but today was something far greater. Today he came through for me, and I let him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have come here, or indeed be in this mess that we are in, but also if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have made it through this afternoon. What I have just done I could not have faced alone, and I know now that deep down, when I made the decision that our journey would bring us here, I knew that he would see me through it. If I didn't think he would, I know I wouldn't have decided to come. But I did know, and he did see me through.