Should I

Chapter Three

   I was only given 5 minutes to pack my suitcase when I got back. Normally it wouldn't be near enough time, but since I had all I wanted set out and half in a suitcase anyway it wasn't really a problem. I finished it in a minute which is record time for me.

    Within 5 minutes we were in the car and beginning our 5 hour trip. Since it was that close we thought flying would be pointless. I never flew before, but the thought of possibly dropping out of the sky on fire and dieing was enough to scare me.

   I tried my best to stay awake the whole time. I'd text on my phone, and watch a movie with the laptop. I cried half the time blaming myself for Nikki not being okay. Somehow I thought it was my fault. I figured if there was someone to blame it would all be better. I looked out the window and wished on a star as if that would work too.

    Every fifteen days I asked Mom if there was any news. None came. It killed me that there was none. My sister and best friend was hurt. I couldn't lose her. Not now not ever. Nikki always kept me out of trouble and away from harm. Knowing I couldn't do the same was almost too much to bear.

  My twin Sally came with us. She couldn't stop her tears. I control my feelings extremely well, while she can't or doesn't want to. Sometimes I can't tell. She turned to me. I saw the red tear streaks on her face, and the pain and hatred in her eyes. "Why are you not effected by this," she cried.

   She had always looked up to Nikki something feirce. Nikki had taken me under her wing and for the most part didn't pay attention to her. Or so Sally thinks. (I only know this cause she left her diary open.)  She never told Nikki any of that. But when she wasn't around it was almost a boast.

   "She was your sister too," she continued. "You was her favorite and now when she is in trouble you act like it's nothing. DON'T YOU HAVE A HEART!" 

    This was it I was about to snap. I knew it. There was no stopping it from happening as much as I tried.  Anyone could yell at me about anything just not Nikki. That was where it got to me. Since we were still in the car I did my best to control it. Surprisingly it worked.

   "Sally please don't say that," Mom ordered her before I could get a word out. "She does love Niki and I'm sure she hurts too."

   There couldn't have been anything closer to the truth than that. I loved Sally even more than Nikki  if that was even possible. No one knew that because I was somehow label "uncapable to love" . Yes weird considering I have a boyfriend.
 
By  eleven I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I was still extremely worried about Nikki and couldn't think of anything else to do for her benefit. As the last thing I did before I passed out I prayed. There wasn't a thing left to do but that.

   Dear God, I honestly don't know if you are hearing this or that you really care. My sister Nikki has something wrong with her. She's 8 months pregnant almost 9. I honestly can't think of a time when she wasn't there for me. Now I need to be there for her, but I'm not right now so could you do it for me. Just till I'm able to take over for myself.  Please heal her.  In Jesus name... Amen.

   As soon as I finished it was almost like a light switch. I was asleep imeditly.  Gone to the world. The world gone to me.