My Darling Lies Over the Ocean (YouTubers AU)

31. Grief changes shape, but it never ends.

Ken lays down, although he knows that he isn't on the cold earth to actually rest. He needs something solid to hold him to some sort of connection to reality. That he isn't part of some twisted dream. That somehow despite the aching bones and the burning  twinge of his stomach, they aren't still on the ship waiting for the sun to rise over the ocean. If Ken narrows his vision just enough he can see it so incredibly clearly. Cry groans as he presses the side of his face into the larger chest, and just like so many times they both open their eyes at the same time.

"You look like you slept well."

"After what you did to me last night? I'm shocked that I didn't slip into a coma for the rest of the cruise."

Cry would sigh and turn just pink enough in the cheeks for Ken to know that his joke hit the mark. Then a playful shove by the slender hands would get both of them kissing each other again. It's almost quaint to think of it now, but Cry had succeeded in somehow pleasing Ken in a while new way. Once again, Cry will always be amazing.

Ken had decided during the wait for Felix to get back that present tense would always how he would view Cry. Compartmentalizing isn't a great tool in the end, but a temporary shelter is better than standing out in the freezing rain and waiting to drown.

Felix is taking his steps so methodically that even Jack is wondering what exactly they are going to all see once they found that final corner. Now painfully aware that none of them had asked Felix what type of condition Cry was in. The Swede's state of mind gave Jack no real stab at theorizing. His husband could scream at the sight of a drop of blood or, in a different room he could paint an entire murder scene on a floor to ceiling canvas. While Jack located the best place to throw up his just eaten lunch, the icy blue eyes would place extra entrails on the right corner of the frame, and Jack would hurl for the second and third time.

"Mark, shouldn't I be more in the front?"

The raven turns more at his name than hearing the familiar tenseness of his husband's voice. In a smooth motion Mark hands the smaller man the thick blanket he had been carrying to help wrap Cry up if needed. The blue eyes linger ahead to where Felix is still setting the pace, with Jack a few steps behind.

"Yeah," Mark answers, slowing down just enough for Ethan to move ahead.

With a wave of the slender arm they all get that they have made it to Cry and Ken. The moonlight shines just bright enough for the other men to see Ken laying on this back with Cry. The smaller man is on his side, though there is an unnatural way he's positioned, and Ethan already knows that if Cry was in any way still able to breathe, that he would have been grunting at the way his legs were turned.

"Ken," Felix whispers, and he waits for the large man to rest his dark eyes on his face. "I brought everyone to help."

"There's no way to help. I told you he's dead. Been dead for hours."

Felix winces at the tone and Jack pulls at his arm to take a few steps back. It's not like Ken snapped at Felix. Quite the contrary, in fact. Instead there was almost a soft and delicate quality to the words, as if Ken was trying to reconfirm a lesson that he just taught a child. Mark cleared his throat, and Ken tilted his head from off the ground towards the other raven.

"Is it all right if we check? Just to make - "

"Ethan can check," Ken says quickly. "He's a nurse, and Cry trusts his skills."

The smaller man squeaks at the sudden and uncomfortable praise, but walks over confidently. Ken moves out of his way after gently placing Cry on his back, then stands away from everyone else and paces back and forth. Occasionally he looks at the starry skyline above them, and tries desperately to the thought that maybe his eyes and muscles are wrong. That this is just an elaborate nightmare.

Jack frowns as he settles on the different men all around him. Ken walking in small circles like a caged animal. Felix looking as if he's turning inside out, and Tyler who out of all of them seems too prepared to race over and be what Cry was to him when he fell onto broken sobs.

The only one who is standing alert and focused is Mark. Feet firmly planted and watching as Ethan's hands move to the various places on Cry's wrists and neck. Then gingerly checking the quickly fashioned braces on the shattered legs before getting up and waving Mark and Jack over.

"He's gone," Ethan assured. "I think it's been a shorter time since Ken said, but...he's gone."

"Should one of us talk - "

"I already said that I would," Mark mutters softly, and with a small inhale of breath he is already walking over to Ken, while Jack witnesses the blanket being placed on top of the man laying at all of their feet.