A week of isolation with that person wasn't enough. But, do I dare myself to try another week? Or even months? How could I, when it felt so painful, like a stake ramming through my heart every time the clock ticks? It felt like I was running too slow in the eyes of time. As if I was a white feather falling ever so lightly, despite being touched and pulled by the heavy atmostphere. Have I fallen to hard?
The moment we exchanged words after our little hiatus felt heavenly. My ears rung like crazy at the slightest volume of your sultry voice, filling my heart the happiness and joys in the world. And honestly, and surprisingly, I felt more than alright. Like reconnecting the lost threads of friendship after years of abandonment. I feel at home.
However my parade didn't lasts, soon after, the waters suddenly came latching onto my legs again. I got slowed. I got wet. I didn't know what to do. My boat is sinking in a vast yet similar ocean, my ears tingled in alarmed as I could hear the same tall tidal waves roaring it's way towards my direction. I don't know what to do. I got stuck. I got soaked. I can't run. And all I could do is to embrace and prayed I'd survive the crash.
I did. I survived. But now rewarding me with another scar. The biggest one yet - her new man. The one I was so afraid it'll come to light. When his name fell from her mouth, It felt like my world came crushing down. My lips suddenly went dry and my mind completely became pitch dark.
"Yeah, I knew you've figured it out long time ago. We've been contacting everyday now, it's been months."
"It's been months..?"
The words left my mouth like mists. I felt betrayed. I don't know why. I mean, I've seen the possibilities of you and him growing closer but I never envisioned it would be this. I thought I was prepared. I thought I had moved on.
My green demons were shrieking so loudly, banging the cold hard walls of my ego but...
I should be happy for you.
I did promised you, that's when I returned, I'd only be your friend and nothing more. And like most romantic movies, if I truly love you, and believe me, I really do, I should let you go.
I love you, goodbye.
