Twisted Like a Storm

Undone

Salt water falls to the page below

What it means, I do not know,

I cannot translate the heartache and pain

Except that it has left a stain.

Deep like the scars on my arm

Back from when I committed self-harm.

For a brief moment, I want it-

But remind myself why I quit.

I can't do that to myself, not anymore

But in the moments when I hit the floor,

I find myself retreating inward,

In a world where only my music can be heard.

Finding comfort in music, and writing

That's where I'll be when I'm hiding

They're the escape I need to survive

And what keeps me alive when I feel dead inside

Like a pig who rolls around in dirt,

I like to wallow in self-pity and hurt.

Just a big tangled mess of string,

Who seems to care too much for everything.

A blessing at times, a curse at others

But the fall-out always causes me to suffer

Striking me down and making me pay

And make me wish I wasn't made this way.

Making me wish I didn't love so deeply

Or give of myself so freely

Caring so much has left me scarred

And left me helpless in the junkyard.

As soon as I open my heart,

It becomes a target, and the clock starts.

Counting down every joyful moment,

Before my heart is once again broken.

Old wounds bleed anew

An occurrence that has been so overdue.

Scarlet oozes through the healing stitches

And what little sanity I have left unhitches.

I hear the wolves howling for my blood

And the tears come like a flood.

There's no point in outrunning my demons

I choose now to succumb to their bloodthirsty legions.

And so, it is that I found my escape

A way to put an end to the heartache.

Little by little, I have died

And fallen head first into the darker side.