A Smile Can Hide A Lot( Reader x Suga )

Smiling is your greatest weapon

Suga has always been there for me.
It felt as though every time I wanted to leave Suga gave me another reason to stay. I was grateful... he wouldn't understand how much I loved him. I wasn't sure if I loved him like a brother or a lover or maybe even just a friend. But something inside me made me stay by his side. Koushi Sugawara, you don't know how I feel about you... but Im hoping you'll return my feelings.
It was after class when I wanted to tell you you were special to me. Maybe I should have figured out my feelings before, but I knew you would be there to help me. I saw you leave your last period on your way to volleyball practice, I knew if I didn't catch you now I wouldn't tell you until after the weekend.
" Suga!" I yelled in the hallway, people passing by looked at me and made me a path to you. " Suga!" I yelled again but you couldn't hear me. Maybe this was foreshadowing of the outcome but I didn't know it at the time.
" Koushi!" I yelled so loud you turned around and saw an out of breath me. You rushed towards them with worrying in your eyes. I loved your eyes... it sounds weird but I can tell how your feeling just by looking at them.
" (Name) are you okay?" He asked offering me his arm. I grabbed on to it feeling all the blood rush to my face.
I was stunned surely this was no feeling someone should feel about a friend? "Actually Suga, I was wondering if I could talk to you," I paused and looked him in his eyes," Before your practice... somewhere more private."
Suga nodded, " Let's go by the lunch tables." I was still holding his arm making sure we don't get lost in the crowd. My heart was beating so fast I thought for sure Suga could hear it, even over the sound of all the kids talking about the exciting weekend to come.
We both sat down across from eachother,
" What do you want to talk about?" He asked, once again his eyes we so kind.
" I just wanted you to know that your special to me." His eyes widened, it looked like he was gonna speak but I cut him off.
" Please let me finish before you say anything," he nodded and I continued, "Suga you've been with me since elementary school, you've taught me so many things. You taught me how to be brave, how to talk infront of people.... how to say no. How to ask for what I want. But most of all you taught me how to be kind even through all of that. You taught me what it means to truly be a good friend. Although I'm still working on it, if you asked first year me if I could present in front of the class I probably would have passed out," I paused wiping a tear from my eye. I wasn't sure why I was crying maybe because all these feelings are coming out at once.
" I- I love you." I looked down avoiding his gaze, I didn't want to look in his eyes right now because I knew if I did, I would not like the result.
He put his hand on my shoulder and lifted my chin, " ( N-Name) theres a lot of meaning behind those words, and don't get me wrong I love you too, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to return my feelings back to you." He looked so kind. But It felt as though a knife went through my chest and directly into my heart.
Surprisingly I didn't cry anymore, instead I smiled, " Thank you for being there for me Suga."
Suga smiled back, " Of course, I will always be there for you (Name)."
Every day that passed I made sure I smiled even though I was dying on the inside. I had to continue to smile. That's the only way to trick people that you're okay. Because just like you taught me Suga. Smiling is one of the greatest weapons and I was going to use it.