A Smile Can Hide A Lot( Reader x Suga )

But I wasn't okay

It was a week after I told Suga my feelings, I didn't talk to him like I used to. I couldn't, something inside me was holding back, making me think that the more I talked to him the more he would hate me.
" Did you sign up art for club again? I heard that's starting next week." Suga asked, we walked with each other from second to third period because we were in the same class.
I nodded my head, " Yeah, did you?"
Suga sighed, " No, volleyball is extra busy this year so I don't think I can."
If he told me this last year I would have felt so devastated but now I felt relived, I needed to be away from Suga but my heart was telling me to be as close to him as possible.
" That's okay, I'm sure you can stop by." There was hesitation in our words like we wanted to say something but we were to scared to.
We turned into our third period class room and that was all we said.
Even more days passed like that. It begun to hurt so much... I think it hurt him too.
What have I done. I ruined our friendship, it was good what we had! Why was I so selfish! If I hadn't said anything about my feelings we would still be talking, we would still hangout. I- I ruined it.
These feelings and thoughts wouldn't leave me, I wasn't okay.
I was walking home from school one day when I saw Daichi and Suga walk into a coffee shop. I wanted to join them like old times, but I knew it wasn't my place. I stood in the middle of the sidewalk looking toward the coffee shop. My heart sunk more.
" Hey! Hey! Is that (Name)!" I heard a cheerful voice yell.
It was followed by a grunt, " Hinata dumbass, keep your voice down."
I saw an orange head of hair run up to me, " I was right Kageyama! It is (Name)!" It has been awhile since I've seen this pair. I always saw them while I hung around with Suga but now that that's stopped I didn't feel like I could see them anymore.
" Hey Hinata, Kageyama, it's been a while hasn't it?" They both nodded.
" How have you been?" Kageyama asked me, he had a light blush on face.
" I'm good Uh what about you guys?"
Hinata answered first, " Busy busy busy! Coach gave us the day off today because we practiced so late yesterday."
Kageyama nodded, " I think the security guards who patrolled thought the gym was being robbed." We all laughed. I missed this feeling, but when I was friends with Suga it was different.
   " Do you want to come get pastry's with us? We're supposed to meet the rest of the volleyball team there." Hinata smiled. He grabbed on to my arm and dragged me there.
As we got closer to the coffee shops I felt my chest tighten, Hinata still held me by my hand and when we entered. " Daichi! Suga! Tanaka! Noya! Look who we found!" We walked towards their table and the rest of the boys smiled and waved.
We sat down near them and when we did we heard a chorus of hellos.
I nodded back, " Hey guys." My heart was still beating so hard. I kept looking at Suga but he didn't look back.
" Where's everyone else?" Daichi asked looking at his phone. " It's already 3."
Suga was the only one to answer, "Maybe they got stuck cleaning up after school, or they had to go home." He shrugged and continued to stir his tea.
    " So (Name)! How's art club?" Daichi asked me. I smiled kindly.
    " It's starting up again soon so I'm quite excited... I heard from Hinata and Kageyama the teams been staying late?"
   All he could do was nod, " Of course! If we want to do good in our tournaments we have to practice."
    Suga sighed, " I always remind them not to push themselves... but I guess it can't be helped with these crazy first years." As gestured for the the pair of 1st years with them.
    Kageyama barely looked up and Hinata jumped from his seat. " Volleyball is just bwaaahhh Suga-San! I need to play it!" We all laughed at Hinata's description of volleyball and his feelings.
    Time continued to pass and Suga and I still said very few words to each other. I think everyone else began to notice how unclose we were because they started to pack up and leave saying they have studying to do.
   " I'll walk home with you Daichi." Suga said gathering his stuff.
   " No, I'm uh stopping at the grocery store so I'll be there... for awhile." Everyone followed and left me and Suga alone. As awkward as I could be I still smiled.
" Well I guess we should get going too right?" I asked as I finished the last bit of my drink before getting up.

    " (Name) wait just a moment... please." Suga said. My heart was already broken, what more did he want? But still I had hope, hope in what I cant say but he was so kind so I couldn't leave without hearing him out.

    " What's up Suga?" I asked sitting back down.

     " Us-"

     I stopped him before he could say anything else, I thought I could listen to him but not without apologizing first. " Im sorry... for everything. I just couldn't stand keeping everything to my self anymore. I needed to tell you how I felt... I couldn't keep being just your friend..."

      His eyes softened, " I understand now... at first I didn't know how much I needed you in my life. I always thought I'd be fine if a friend went away or left me... but when you told me you liked me I didn't know how to react I didn't want things to change and I didn't take into consideration your feelings and how hard it must of been to tell me. You deserve so much more then me ( Name)... I'm sorry I couldn't accept your feelings at first but after realizing how much I care about you I think I can try to love you the way that you love me... because I'm not sure what these feelings are... I've never felt anything like it before, but I think it is love." He laughed, " I never thought I would say that."

     I was speechless. " Suga.."

    " Please call me Koushi from now on." The same smile I almost forgot appeared on his face... it truly was the most beautiful that I have ever seen.

And I was so glad it was back in my life.