Bambai ६०

Mid or feed

"

Yuhi Be sabab na phira karo, koi shaam ghar mai raha karo,
Vo gazal ki sachi qitab hai usse chupke chupke pada karo

Koi hath bhi na milega joh gale miloge tapak se
Ye naye mijaz ka shehar hai zara fasle se mila karo

Abhi raah mai kai mod hai koi aaega koi jaega
Tumhe jisne dil se bhulaya use bhulne ki dua karo.
-

Dr. Bashir Badr

"

It was back in 2012, turning point of my life where I had almost for the first time first heart break, first fight, first time somebody proposed me and for the first time I went on and took a step to be an independent individual.

Back in the day when I was just a young soul (I believe), an unique gene in me, a new passion which was running around my head to be an e-sport gamer as I will tell you. I used to bunk my colleges, classes and snook into the gaming zone playing games day and night - night and day I used to have dreams of games. I was such a gaming lunatic at that moment (but it was that day I look back upon and yes many more.) I was so into games I couldn't give much time to my family or my girlfriend. I started playing games because my girlfriend didn't have much time for me in the first place so basically I was Playing the games to go in a dimension where I don't miss her, with her (games) i had no strings attached no question asked; no expectations no demand's but as Einstein quoted
"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction."

Yes i know it is Newton's third law of motion, now you see pros and cons there I wasn't studying and I was a dull student and after that I turned much worse. There's a saying in Dota2 Community
"Mid or feed." If you don't give me that place which i deserve I'll feed (throw/ not play properly) the game. I realise this much later when I lost everything I had 
1. Gaming name
2. Love of life
3. Cyber
4. Bambai60

Yeah I had a brutal break up and I had to choose between my friend and girlfriend and I made a decision I'll not regret. Yes I even cried alot and that boosted me to be a hardcore gamer. I was insomniac full of rage anger.

I had become more stubborn, I was losing everything by my side, no one really on my side or I wasn't ready to tell my feelings or I hardly knew how I felt. Beside my mom used to wait every evening for me she used to call me I wouldn't return her calls at all. She knew my phase and suspected something was wrong with me but she didn't let her guard down. She's gazal ki sachi kitab (true book of poem). She understands everything even if you don't tell her, she's your gaurdian angel, so ever in my life there's a mid or feed situation I know where to go.

So, in life when ever you feel down, depressed and you're full of anxiety there's a woman watching down you don't need to waste your money and go to a psychiatrist or waste your time you just have a cup of tea made by your mother and some quality time with her no one can take your anxiety and give you back your happiness. Your mother is an only living God you can rely on.