My true story {COMPLETED}

Part 1

This is the story of the death of my father and how, more than five years later, it is still affecting me. I have changed the names of all my friends and family in this story, as well as the school and place names, I didn't feel right putting their real names in. I've also listed all the trigger warnings in the description, please stay safe and be kind, to everyone you meet, it's important. Drink some water, have a snack, take care of yourselves because I love you all ~ E xx

So, up until the age of ten, I was the same as any young girl. I lived with my loving parents and annoying older brother. I lived in a calm, friendly area, spent plenty of time outside rolling down hills, picking blackberries and building snowmen in the winter. But, on 21st August 2013, just after my tenth birthday, my life changed completely.

I was looking forward to my birthday party which was only a week and a half away. I had been having some bad nightmares so my mum took the mattress off my bed and put it into her and my dad's room. We had had an amazing summer break, spent the weekend in London the week before and seen Les Mis on the West End. One day I said goodnight, like I always did, expecting the next day to be perfectly normal.

We all woke up, went downstairs and mum seemed a bit on edge but I thought nothing of it, really, but I really started to feel weird when the Police turned up. My Nan had been staying with us for a few days because she had come to London with us.

The police were all very nice and sat us all down in the lounge. It was an unusual feeling to say the least but I still thought nothing of it, maybe there had been a break in or something nearby. But no, they had come specifically to our house for a reason. They made sure everyone comfortable and then they broke the news to us; my dad, who I thought was the happiest person ever, had jumped in front of his morning train and killed himself.

The policewoman's words cut through me like a knife. I didn't really understand what was happening, but mum and Nan were crying and so was my brother, so I knew it was bad. Mum tried her best to explain what had happened and, once I had understood to the best of my ability, I ran upstairs and shut myself in the spare bedroom in the loft; I didn't want them to see me cry.

I was willing myself to wake up, for this all to be one of my terrible nightmares but it was real and there was nothing I could do. I cried for hours, we all did. But after a day or two I decided I wasn't going to let this ruin my brilliantly planned birthday party.

I had told mum that I didn't want to tell any of my friends just yet, I wanted to have a day away from it all. I put on a smile for everyone I saw since it happened and that was the way it stayed for many, many years.

Mum told a few close friends and my teachers at school, so they could keep an eye on me. I was invited to go to the funeral but I was angry with him so I didn't, I know now that I regret that choice. Mum and Luke had basically broken down and I was determined to carry on as normal. Overall, my year six was pretty good, I had an amazing trip to with school and I was very pleased with my part in the year six play.

At the end of the year, I decided to move school to a new senior school. I didn't know why I wanted to move but, in in hindsight, I know it was because I needed a change from the school that had held so many bad memories.