My true story {COMPLETED}

Part 3

I had joined a choir when I started back at my previous school. I had struggled to make friends at first but, eventually I made friends with Emily and Jenny. Emily was in the year below me and went to my school and Jenny was in the year above and went to another school. We went on loads of choir trips to different cathedrals around the country and we went to Malta on choir tour in summer 2017. We had great fun and I was super close to Jenny and Emily.

Anyway, I was going back downhill but I hated (and still hate) letting people see my sadness, mainly because I had always been the happy child so I tried my best to keep it up but slowly, the panic attacks, insomnia and almost constant mental breakdowns meant that people were starting to notice that maybe I wasn't okay. To combat this, I made myself more helpful, more confident, and happier. I thought it was paying off but as for so many things, I was wrong.

People were noticing that I wasn't quite the person who they met and liked to be around. My temper had got worse, I seemed more outwardly happy and confident and I tried more and more to help people. I started to help a boy at choir, Mark, who had been struggling with self-harm and other problems. I found I had never really got triggered by that sort of thing and I managed to tell him what I knew and how I'd been coping. I helped him, little by little but I didn't realise what impact it was having on me.

I found my hallucinations getting worse and I started listening to Sam more and more. She tells me to not eat, I listen. She tells me to push my friends away, I listen. She told me to do bad things, I listen. I hoped, and still hope, that if I listened to her, she might leave me alone or be quiet for a while. She never keeps her side of deals, but still I try. I've let her get into my head, I've let her control me too much and now I can't stop her because she's stronger than I am.

This story, my story, continues every day with constant battles with the demons in my head. I hope this story has made you understand a little, or maybe you've just enjoyed reading it.

A/N If you ever have feelings like this, talk to someone, anyone you trust. And if you ever want advice, feel free direct message me on my Instagram
@/elena.w.equestrian or my twitter
@/SoManyObsession any time. Stay safe, I love you all~E xx