Touch me, love me

Im just afraid of getting hurt.

It's late and I'm sad. But I will update no matter what I'm going through. Just please, don't ever tell someone there not worth it. You don't know how bad it hurts. But I would prefer you listen let me love you by somo bc yea, it's just the song to listen to with this. Ily.

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I don't understand what he's trying to get out of me. But I don't care. I'm staying away at all costs. My stomach twists and turns as I push my way through branches hoping that this was the quickest way home. My vision was poor from the tears that filled my eyes. They were still coming. Fast. And I don't even remember why anymore. All I knew was that I had to keep moving and not look back. Ever. I had made it to a clearing near my home, I could recognize it. Keeping my head low, I sped down the street towards my house. Watching my feet take step after step on the bumpy gravel, making sure I don't trip. Once I made it to my front steps, I took hold of the railing and dragged myself up them and into the house. I kept my head low and walked to the stairs.

"Why are you home? What's wrong mila?" Enna questions while walking in from the living room.

"FUCK YOU"

I yell running up the stairs. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck... You. I sped down the hall and Into my room locking the door behind me and landing face first onto my bed. My pillow became filled with tears and mascara. Get out of my head! OUT OUT OUT!

"FUCK FUCK FUCK GET OUT OF MY HEAD"

I yell feeling as if I was going insane, the vision of me walking in on Harrison and my sister replaying in my head. I was so INLOVE with him, or so I thought. He was my first reality , first date, first kiss, first love. And....... I FUCKING HATE HIM UGH!

My breath uneven as I released sad moans into my pillow while more tears fell. Why can't it just stop, all of it?

"Amila, what's wrong?"

Enna says through the door.

"Go away you whore."

I say roughly, my voice slightly cracking. No response. Why did I believe him so well, that he wasn't gonna go for my own sister. She's the one with the looks, the curves, the beautiful face, friends, cute clothes and boobs. I'm just a bony, awkward bipolar weirdo who deserves to be locked away because, well I don't bring anything to this world. If anything, I just take. Take and take and take while not giving any back. Like right now, I'm crying like a baby when there are people out there dying because they don't have a bed, or food. But here I crying over a dumb boy. I'm so selfish.

I slowly sit up on my bed and wipe my eyes dry. Amila, you need to fucking man up. Crying isn't gonna get you rainbows and butterfly's, it's gonna get you an upset stomach and a stuffy nose. No more.

I have a private thought session as I pull my back up and try my best to stand straight as I walk down the stairs.

Once I manage to have enough fake confidence to get to the kitchen, I slide into a chair and rest my forehead into my palms. Taking a deep breath in, I hold it. Not wanting to let it go but knowing I had to at some point. Does that make sense? Gently releasing the air in my lungs, I could feel relief fill my body. And I don't know how or why, but I felt at peace. But only for a split second, because the door bell rang.

Hayes POV

Being as dumb as I am, I decide to follow her any ways. Pushing away the memory of what she had said out of my mind. I had to see what was wrong, or at least if she was going to be okay. once I arrived at her house at least 30 minutes after she had, I walked up the front steps. I stopped In front of the broad wooden door, my hand slowly raised itself to the door bell. I forced my finger into the button, feeling as if it was difficult to decide whether or not it was a good idea. I could hear foot steps as someone approached the door. The door nob twisted as she opened the door, looking down at the floor. She's so beautiful even when I can't see her face. Slowly looking up to realize who it was, she attempted to close the door. But I put my hand out and stopped it.