Undesirable // Niall

14

I opened my bedroom door to the background noise of the television, as I entered the kitchen I noticed the news reporter spewing out information my face plastered across the screen.

I sighed reaching to fill mug with coffee as the news reporters voice drifted around the room.

"Niall Horan, from the world famous band One Direction has disappeared.

The twenty year old was last seen boarding a plane in New York, although we are unsure where he was travelling to. None of the other members have made a statement about the disappearances; however, their management team feels they can get him back before the next date on the tour list.

Sounds like a serious case of work and stress overload. I'm Natalie Birmingworth for..."

The sound abruptly cut off as my dad entered the kitchen remote in hand.

"Niall you can't run from your job. Not like that... If you want to leave you have to talk to management you can't just up and leave when you feel like it, people have paid good money to see you perform.

They love you Niall.

You have to give them that."

I shook my head my hands gripping the coffee mug a little too tightly.

"You don't get it dad. They love the me that's on television, the one that's on display.

They know nothing about me, nothing. How could they love someone they don't even know?"

He shrugged, his grey hair stuck out around his head haphazardly, as he tugged on it.

"I'm only trying to help you know that right?"

I nodded slowly walking back towards the hallway that lead upstairs. His voice was audible throughout the house, no matter how fast I walked I could still hear the words he muttered as I walked away.

"Go home, home to the boys who have supported you from the start," he whispered as I turned my back, I had no doubt he meant it too.

-- present day --

I picked lightly at the woollen fabric of my sweater as we walked, just far apart enough that we weren't touching but close enough that we could have been.

"So you went back?" I said slowing my pace even more. He shoved his hands awkwardly into his pockets as his stride slowed to match mine.

"I've always trusted my fathers judgement, always. I couldn't let him down by staying when he wanted nothing more than to see me go."

I nodded squeezing my hands together in front of me for warmth.

"The media blew up about it. Something about a mystery girl, not that I was surprised management was always trying to hook me up with models and actresses.

'No such thing as bad publicity' they always said."

He shook his head almost sadly.

"I think the worst part now is not knowing. How it could have all turned out if we'd all stayed. If I hadn't of given up and accepted the end.

If Zayn hadn't of married Perrie, if Liam hadn't of gone solo, if Harry and Louis had just been happy." He shook his head again a frown paling his features.

"I just wish there had been something we could have done, someway to change the overall outcome. All that's left is piles of unused money and memories."

I nodded burying my chin into the scarf at my neck. A moment of silence followed the only noise being the patter of our feet on the stone.

"How'd you do it Niall? How'd you make it another two years after you left. How'd you make it through without breaking? After all you'd been through." I stopped walking and turned to face him.

His eyes were cold and hard a lifetime of secrets caught within them.

"I made it through because I had to. Because if the band wasn't together we weren't making money and some of us didn't have enough money to sustain ourselves without it.

Two years later and we were millionaires, heck billionaires. We didn't need the job anymore. It was never about the fans or the singing or any of it. When it came down to it.

It was always about the money. Whether the money was for our families like Louis or wether it was for ourselves it was the only thing we were there for. I stayed because the other boys did.

We all stayed because through the series of events we became brothers, we weren't going to ditch one another because we couldn't suffer through.

The boys held me up and I am forever grateful. Even though in the end it feels like it was for nothing." His eyes were blazing by the time he finished.

Hastily he wiped at them before beginning to walk again. I rushed down the path after him.

"So that's your story huh?" I said quietly my features impassive.

He gave me a sidelong look.

"That's my story alright, as boring as it is, that's my whole life."

"Boring!" I said outraged "your life is so far from boring it may as well be on the moon. So much has happened in so little time. Sure a hell of a lot of shit went down and peoples lives were changed but did you ever stop to think how it benefited you?

I know you think it's all very depressing and honestly it is but it's also the happiest story I've ever heard."

We stopped directly under the glow of the coffee shop, the doorway was small and cramped but he stopped anyway staring at me in bewilderment.

"How could you take any happiness in that?"

I stepped forward quietly, I pulled up his sleeve gently, holding his arm under the light. Pale white lines marked his skin in ugly patterns, only the largest of them remained.

I pointed at them in earnest.

"The saddest part of your story is the words this," I said motioning to his arms, " is what makes the story happy. Look at the scars they're almost all gone, you went from being afraid of your own reflection to being ashamed at the person you became.

You didn't even notice that you got better along the way. You may not be yourself, not fully but your closer than you've ever been to happiness before."

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