T R I G G E R W A R N I N G
Be safe
I love you
You can talk to me
Stay alive
Its been hard lately. School has been getting worse. The homework isn't bad, it's the people. The kids are brutal and ruthless. They don't care about anyone. All they do is hurt and then apologize. No one is friends. Everyone is fake.
I've been hinting at home school for a while now. They keep laughing me off. They don't even ask why i don't put myself in their videos anymore or don't upload to my YouTube channel. They don't ask why i don't play my ukulele at 4am anymore. They don't ask why they can't hear music blaring in the bathroom at 6 in the morning anymore. They don't ask why i wear more makeup, or wear bigger clothes. They don't seem to care. And they don't seem to need me anymore. They don't ask why i don't hang out with them; or anyone for that matter. They don't ask why i don't come down for dinner. They don't ask why all I wear is long sleeves. It's starting to get harder and harder. My one friend is telling me to go to them, that they will understand. But I can't. They will get rid of me- I'm sick in the head. I see their suspicions in their eyes when they see me. They don't drive me home anymore. I take the bus to school and then walk home. I don't sleep sometimes. I decide to upload to my YouTube. A cover of "friend, please" by twenty one piløts. They are all that are keeping me alive right now.
"I feel for you but when did you believe you were alone?
You say that spiders crawled inside and made themselves a home
Where alliance once was
Petrified of who you are and who you have become
You will hide from everyone, denying you need someone
To exterminate your bones
Friend, please remove your hands from
Over your eyes for me
I know you want to leave but
Friend, please don't take your life away from me
Living like a ghost you walk by everyone you know
You say that you're fine but you have lost your sway and glow
So I stopped by to let you know
Friend, please remove your hands from
Over your eyes for me
I know you want to leave but
Friend, please don't take your life away from me
Would you let me know your plans tonight
'Cause I just won't let go 'til we both see the light
And I have nothing else left to say
But I will listen to you all day, yes I will
Friend, please remove your hands from
Over your eyes for me
I know you want to leave but
Friend, please don't take your life away from me"
I shut the camera off, tears threatening to spill.
I quickly uploaded it.
Title: Cover of Friend, Please.
Description: you are important.
I shut my laptop and laid down, my head telling me to do things. As I got up, I got a text
andy🤠
Hey y/n
y/n
Hi Andrew
andy🤠
how are you feeling
y/n
Umm? Confused ?
andy🤠
I saw your YouTube video
Your voice is amazing
You know your not alone, right?
You can talk to me
We love you
T R I G G E R W A R N I N G
T R I G G E R W A R N I N G
T R I G G E R W A R N I N G
I shut my phone off and plugged it in. I went into the bathroom, pulling out my razor. I watched it slide across, I didn't even know I was doing it until I felt the sweet release of pain in the form of these lines. These lines that would soon scab and scar and turn into my history. The lines that will ensure my future as a depressed, anxiety filled human. Put on pills to make me fake happy. That is, if they don't work. I'm trying to think rationally.
Friend, please.
Friend, please.
Friend please.
Please friend.
Friend?
My mind began to fog. I did not enjoy this part. The part where I had to clean up and open the door and say goodnight. But I had too, or they would get stressed. They just thought I had a lot of homework lately.
I walked to the living room and said did the drill.
"Hey guys. Goodnight."
"Goodnight y/n." Came from them both. I felt their eyes on me, piercing through me. Trying to figure me out in the short moments I left their sight.
As I walked into my room I heard my phone.
andy🤠
Hey I'm coming over
I told Shane
I want to talk to you
y/n
No ?? I have school tomorrow
andy🤠
Here
I heard the front door open and then my door open.
Long story short, we talked and cried for three hours. He told me I am never going to the school again. He doesn't know that I am self harming. That will never end.
So Andrew held me as I told Shane and Ryland about the bullying and beat ups.
They weren't happy.
Shane just stared at the floor and cried. Ryland immediately started crying and told me he was going to fix this.
He can't, sadly.
It was later in the day, and I learned that I am going to be homeschooled. That's all I want.
I don't think Andrew left. He probably never will.
I heard a soft knock on my door. I was in bed staring at the roof and crying.
I wiped my eyes and told whoever it was to come in.
"Hey Shane."
"Hey y/n"
He looked like he hasn't stopped crying. He sat down next to me and sniffled.
"Why didn't you tell me."
I knew this hit him close to home.
"I couldn't. I didn't want to upset you."
"I think you upset me more by not telling me and then have Andrew be the one to bear the news. It really hurts- to hear my daughter, the one person I can protect, is being bullied?"
"I'm sorry" was all I could choke out before we fell asleep crying.
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♥️💛
Please stay alive
1070 words
11/30/18
1:10 am
