Love In Twenty And Five

The Beginning

"Am I going to die?"

Forcing her mouth open, Eden lifted the spoonful of pudding and stuffed it in her mouth. She could barely taste it, but it was her first meal in twenty four hours, the least she could do was try to stay alive...

Sighing softly, she dropped the spoon and blinked. Don't cry Eden! She chastened, afraid her tears would escape the restraint she had on them, afraid she'd break down and draw attention to her; something she couldn't afford to do. It was a part of the job —being professional and staying unattached— but Eden could barely do anything but be attached to her patients. She couldn't get used to watching them breathe their last, their eyelids closing to some of the most innocent eyes she had ever seen. She couldn't get used to breaking the news to their parents that their kids were dead. But so much more than that, Eden couldn't get used to the feeling of being a failure. And just like every other time when she had failed a Patient, she failed Maddie today.

The look in the eyes of the four year old as she asked Eden whether she thought she was going to die, stuck with Eden the entire day. And an hour ago, when Maddie did die, Eden felt the burden of yet another loss settle on her shoulders.

Fighting to keep her emotions in check long enough to break the news to Maddie's father, Mike, Eden had made her way through the halls of St. John's Children's Hospital, shaking.

She had done this several times, but no two incidents were the same. The parents always reacted differently to the news; there were some who immediately burst into tears, there were some who clung to a loved one nearby, there were some who settled on a couch and bowed their heads... Whichever way a parent chose to process the news, it gave Eden the opportunity to sneak away into a secluded area where she could give in to her tears. But this was not the case with Mike. Seated in the Cafeteria, Eden vaguely remembered the look in his eyes as she told him of his daughter's passing.

Clinging tightly to the bouquet of red roses in his arms, and a gift wrapped box, he stared blankly at Eden for several seconds.

"It's Christmas," he finally said, his brows pulling together in a frown.

"I know that, Mr. Stacks and I'm really sorry—"

He shook his head. "It's Christmas, the season of good cheer and you know, the bullshit they tell us?!"

Eden swallowed. "Mr. Stacks, perhaps there's a family member you would like to call at this time, I know how diffi—"

"Do you?!" His angry roar sent a cold shiver down her spine. His eyes caught fire as he held the gift up before her. "I have no family, doctor! None but the one you now tell me is dead on your watch! You had one job, one simple job to keep her alive but you failed!" He took a menacing step to her and instinctively, she jumped back, her tears now sliding down her cheeks. "You think you know how difficult it must be?! No, doctor, you have no idea!"

Eden tried to speak, but she feared she would break down before the angry father.

"Here," he shoved the gift and roses in her arms, a loud gasp escaping her lips at his action. She instinctively clung to the items, unsure of what was expected of her. "You hand that to her! It was her only wish for Christmas."

Turning slowly to the side where she had placed the bouquet and gift on a chair, she stared at them, remembering every word Maddie's father said to her. She tried to convince her heart that he spoke out of grief, but she knew he didn't for he was right to speak that way.

She took the items with her and made her way out of the hospital. Settling in her Mercedes, she drove home. It was a long ride, and she barely saw the road before her, but she kept driving until she was pulling into the driveway of the modest building she shared with her grandmother. It was the only home she ever knew since she was a little girl, the only place she could retreat to when she was having a crappy day; a day such as today.