Love It , Or Hate It. "The beginning"

Brand New

After last night , I feel more like a woman . The sex was so good, that he had me have back to back orgasms. Afterwards, we just held each other frenching . "uggh! My stomach is killing me!" I say rolling over, holding my stomach trying my best to not wake lonzo up. walking into the bathroom , the cramps hurt more . I feel like total shit, look at me. He fucked my hair all up. That's how you know you have just got the business from ya man when you are looking the way that I am looking . I sit down, and examine myself. I could see red blood stains in my panties. My head hurts, and my body aches. I really need and want to take a shower badly but , what the hell am I going to put on? I don't think i left any clothes over here . Walking into lonzo's master bedroom, I go into his walk in closet and look through clothes , to finding a section saying " Dre' yah". "Dre' yah ? What's this ?" I ask myself, while opening up the golden door leading to another walk-in . Walking in , I see all these shoes , dresses,hats , just everything a girl could dream of." Oh my god!" I say out loud, while looking through all the designer materials. Michael Kors purses, louis viton, gucci , versace, and alot of dere'on. " you like it baby ?" Lonzo says coming up behind me, catching me off guard. " I don't know what to say baby. How can I pay you back? How did you even get all this?" " let's say that I'm making things happen. I gotta surprise for you, follow me." Walking out the beautifully custom made closet, I spot our home coming photograph in a sketch -like design, in the most articulate frame that I have ever seen. It was about maybe 20 feet long and 10 feet wide. Pulling me, i almost trip over my own foot. On the bed, it was a Juicy Cateur diamond chain, with my name embedded on the sides connected to the chain. Next to it was this cold light blue denim romper, with a white denim ruffled jacket and white bottomed stilettos. " what's all this for?" I ask out curiosity. "it's for the celebration later on today, I had made orders last night . After aniyah's death, I knew that you needed some special attention and something that makes you happy. So I need you to pack up , and don't worry about moms because she agreed with it . I have a trip planned for Barbados. A little cabin off the coast of the waters, but on a hill." " Barbados- where did you get all the cash for all this, I am just confused and blown away with all this.?" I say while running my hands through the clothes laid out before me. "Look before you had came, I had this interview with my dad and coach datin, along with the green bay packers coach,and administrator. In fact, the administrator and the coach offered me a deal for ninety - nine -thousand, nine hundred ninety nine - trillion dollars. Including free trips to where ever I want,Vacations and all. Including anywhere I need to go, plus free tuition for my whole college ride. Paid in full and everything. Baby is't that great !?" I turn around to face him. "Is this really happening?" I ask myself thinking about all the wrongs of this situation. Football player? Money? Apart of me is happy , but the other is concerned for myself and us as being together. Am I ready for this? One thing that I know is that i am not ready for is him partying all the time, not coming home until the wee hours of the night coming into day. How can I be ok with out the thoughts of him cheating with some other hoe, then coming home to me all innocent. Then again , I feel that this could be a brand new start of something new for us ." Baby, is something wrong?" He says holding me . "I'm not ready for this" I finally say . Lonzo takes his hands from around me, and stares at me in disappointment. "but why? Every since we were in junior high, you knew that this is what I wanted. You said you had my back, what changed your mind?" I feel like a selfish ass bitch right at this point. I plop on the bed preparing for the nasty ass discussion that we are about to have. " is it about trust, or about me being gone all the time ?" " look I am happy for you and everything else, but I don't think I can trust you enough to be out there all night partying and coming home late at night. Then having people talk about how we are not together because you wanna be free all the time. I don't want to be that chick not doing shit, sitting in a house on my ass. I don't know I'm iffy on this, and it seems like a scheme-some type of set up." I say looking up. He makes his way to me and takes my hands into his, and looks me straight in the eye. " I understand where you're at, I know what football players do- but I have to do this for myself, you, and my family. I don't want you worrying about me being gone all the time, or late nights- because I am gonna make sure that I'm home to be with you. And - and I am gonna check up on you to make sure you good. But you have to still understand that we ain't even married yet- so what's wrong with partying ?" At first, I was with him- that changed it all. Did he seriously say that to me? As I recall last night, I lost my virginity to him. " what the hell is that 'spose to mean?" I spit back with rage. " so it's like just because we didn't get married, I can't worry about you doing something strange. I don't want you out there, tryin' to fit in and fuck up what we have by doing stupid shit. You want it real, lets be all the way real about it. I'm not ya momma- I'm your girl hopefully your wife, but why wouldn't I worry about you? Ain't that what we both are suppose to do?-" " it seems like you want this all about you, like you don't give a damn about me or what I want to do. I snatch my hands out of his. Standing up over him. I want to punch his ass in his fucking face. I'm hurt and confused. What do I do now? " what do you want from me girl?" His voice booms, sending chills all through me. " you're just a selfish bitch! You think that this whole fucking world goes around you. I tried to please you, but it aint good enough for you. So what to do, because im taking the deal and im gonna make my dream happen" speechless, I think about what's said. I hate to admit it but it's true, I am being selfish. I guess two can play that game. I grab the clothes of the bed, walk into the shower room with a slam of the door . Stepping into the hot water, I think about what was said. I lather up with soap that I had in my purse, and sit in the warm water. after my long shower, I get dressed in the new attire and pack my stuff to leave. I need to go away from this town. Before I could leave out lonzo and I bump heads, causing me to go into unwanted confrontation. " where you goin' baby?" He says with confusing look on his face. He tries to grab my waist but I pull back. "I'm going home to be alone" I say walking towards the front door. " what about the trip thats planned?" I turn back around shifting my wait to my left side. " I would love to go, but me being a selfish-ass bitch doesn't cut it. see, you made up your mind. Now it's time for me to make up mine." I want this to be past us, but words that hurt always stick. I grab my bags and my keys, and head out to my mercedes benz. I start the car, and call amber. I need to clear my mind from all this bull shit that just happened. For the sake of ralonzo, it's best if we don't talk for a while. A new start is ahead of me.