fifteen weeks. // 5sos au //

For months and months all Rosie wanted was to die.

She barely left the house other than to go to the horrid excuse of a school she attended. Nothing interested her anymore; not even her favorite childhood movie Jumanji which despite how sad she was could still make her laugh - up until last year. 

That’s when she knew her depression had really begun taking over her life. It wasn’t that she wanted to kill herself, it was more that she just wanted to stop living. Which if you asked her, she had already. What was the point of living if you were unhappy while doing so? 

She hadn’t told anyone other than her mom about her sadness even though she had friends she could have told. It’s not that they weren’t good friends, its just that they weren’t the kind of friends you tell thoughts as dark as Rosie’s to. 

To help you understand; if she had one phone call in jail they weren’t the type of friends she could rely on to pick up and actually help her. They were there for her physically, to walk from class to class with, but mentally they weren’t and wouldn't ever be there. 

Rosie would have told her father about all of her unhappy feelings, if he were there. It wasn’t that he had passed, oh no he wasn’t that lucky. He was serving for the Army on the other side of the world. He had been deployed most of Rosie’s life and to help her cope he assured her he was doing good and “fighting for her freedom” - or lack there of. Considering she had practically none.

Her mother always encouraged her to “go out and socialize!” Or to “actually hang out with kids her age.” But she also didn’t want Rosie leaving the house because she feared she’d do something stupid like try to kill herself (despite the countless attempts her daughter had made to inform her that ‘she wasn’t suicidal, just super duper sad). Even though she wouldn’t have minded dying.

Maybe it was a mistake telling her mom, “I’d rather get hit by a train than continue living like this.” It was something she probably shouldn’t have mentioned, but it was the truth, and she was a very honest person who usually spoke her mind.

On December 22nd, at exactly 8:52pm, Rosie’s prayers were answered. Well, almost.

Just in time for Christmas, at the age of only sixteen, Rosie Ann Walters was diagnosed with cancer. It had been in her system for a while, making it’s way into various organs little by little. It hadn’t taken her over completely, but it was building up and beginning to, much like the depression was starting to consumer her as well. Perhaps it was the sadness that had kept her and her mother from noticing the fatal disease spreading throughout her.

When given the tragic news, she barley reacted. Her mom froze, every muscle of hers locking as she imagined a world without her daughter. Is she even allowed to consider herself a mother if her only child is dead? With glazed eyes she leaned down and hugged Rosie, who’s expression hadn’t changed since they entered the doctor’s office. Her mother wasn’t concerned with her lack of emotion though, considering Rosie didn’t show how she was feeling at al recently. 

The doctor looked down at the cancer filled teen with pity as she did nothing but stare straight ahead. She didn’t feel the tears that belonged to her own mother dripping down the side of her face. She didn’t feel the tight grip her mom’s hand had on her own. She felt nothing.

Her thoughts were racing around inside her head. But unlike most freshly diagnosed cancer patient thoughts, none of them were sad. This was what she had wanted; an excuse to leave this world. And now she’d be able to, without getting any blood on her hands. A large weight had been lifted off of her shoulders both mentally and physically - as her mom stood up straight, no longer leaning on her.

“How long does she have?” Her mom choked out, wiping the mascara from under her eyes and then onto her thankfully dark sweater. 

The doctor looked down onto his clipboard and comeback up with sad eyes, “About 15 weeks ma’am.”

Rosie smiled, finally showing emotion - thought not what was expected.

105 days. Let the countdown begin.