Chapter 1

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It was getting late, I was still packing. I placed my flower print dress next to the sunglasses and beach hat in somewhat of an arrangement. I would need to save space in the suitcase for all the other clothes— three weeks was quite a long time, and I had to have nearly all my wardrobe with me to feel at home. I imagined myself, plum and sun kissed, with milky thighs and all that. Of course I looked forward to the beach trip, but, looking outside my window at the already darkening sky, I thought I would miss home.
     Especially Megan. Her loud presence is something you get used to, and looking back we hadn't been apart for that long in ages. I felt jealous in a way, too, and for some reason felt like I would be missing out. There were bound to be parties after parties, of course. What else would a bunch of overworked, revision imploded, sleep deprived teens be doing in the term holiday? And I knew for a fact that my party animal of a friend, Megan, would be attending all of those.
     It's not like I went to many parties, however. Megan and I would have the same old scripted dialogue about how she 'totally' thought I should go, and how I 'definitely' wouldn't regret it. And I would argue that 'parties aren't for me' and so on. I hate the feeling of chaos, the all-over-the-place-ness of them. The only one I've been to turned out to be a complete disaster. I remember stumbling out the door, a drunk Megan clinging on my shoulder with a little vomit in her hair.
She always becomes a mess at parties, but if that's what makes her feel good I couldn't stand between that mess and the innocent, confused texts she gives me the morning after. Once she had forgotten her handbag at a cheerleader's birthday party. The next day she could barely remember a thing, but, 'Hey Abbey, it's fine. I had Bradley's number on the back of a receipt in my bag, but thank God I wrote it on my arm!'—Always so optimistic.
I found myself smiling at the memory as I stuffed another blouse in the remaining space. 'It's only three weeks', I told myself, and sighed with relief at finishing another suitcase. I had one more to go, but my back couldn't take it any longer, so I got off the floor and threw myself onto the bed. I stared at the ceiling and my eyes later fell on the clock that read 7:34pm. I didn't feel tired, and couldn't close my eyes to rest so I just looked around the room instead.
Later my phone broke the silence. It vibrated on the bedside table and snapped me out of my thoughts. Megan had messaged me saying, 'Hey Abbey, can't believe your leaving tomorrow morning. I know I already said goodbye and stuff, but God, I'll miss my best friend if I want to, right? Ok, well, call me tomorrow as soon as you leave. I'll need someone to wake me up!'
It reminded me that she was going to a party— no surprise there. Something about a renovated cabin that some of the jocks had found, there had been quite the talk at school. It was a big deal, apparently, being the first party of the term holiday and all that. Of course it didn't appeal. I needed to get ready for the long trip tomorrow, and it was within my instinct to refuse a party. But then I felt something quite unexpected; a rush of frustration fell over me.
I pictured the music and the dancing, and then saw myself at home, in my crowded room, and there was something so unfair about it. It wasn't that late. I wasn't tired. I only had one suitcase left to pack, for towels and shampoos and stuff. I couldn't believe what I was trying to imply, or to consider. But maybe— just maybe, I thought, since it was my last day, I could go.
I was amazed at my rapid train of thought after that. I told myself that if I was gonna go, and dance a little, and drink a little, and leave in time to get some rest for the next day, it wouldn't be all that bad. I could even have a chance to say a final, proper goodbye to Megan and my classmates. And before I knew it, excitement gathering in my chest, I dived for the phone.
     'Hey Megan, going to that party, I'm guessing?' It didn't take long for her to answer.
'Obviously!'
     'Can you pick me up?' I said. There was a bit of a pause, and I could tell she was taken aback, perhaps as amazed as I was. She later gave me a long line of texts, reading '...Seriously? You're kidding, right? Oh. My. God. WHAAAT? I'll be there in ten!'. This worried me a little, especially since her house was at least twenty minutes from mine, which meant she would be driving fast. It also didn't give me much time to prepare, but I wasn't planning on looking like I tried too hard. It was just a party, after all.
     First I went downstairs to check on my mom. She had fallen asleep in front of the tv with a small suitcase on her lap, the contents half spilling onto her thighs. I didn't want to wake her up, so I just ran upstairs to get dressed in the limited time I had. I assumed that she would have been alright with me going out, as I usually did with Megan. And I would call her when I got to the party anyway.
     I went for a casual look (not that I knew any other, in the circumstance given), with a pair of navy blue jeans and a striped sweater. My blonde hair rested in a half up, half down ponytail and I left my minimal makeup on as it was, apart from adding a little more lip gloss. I stopped examining my reflection when I heard the ever so familiar honking of Megan's car outside, and on the way out I grabbed my phone and the pepper spray I always carry.

Outside, Megan almost stumbled on her heels as she flung out of the car, giggling and looking excited. She jogged over to me in a short sequin dress that rested tightly around her small waist. Her brown hair bounced in thick locks, and I noticed her makeup was shining too. She hugged me and looked me up and down.
     'Who are you and what have you done with my best friend, Abbey?' she said, smiling.
'Megan, it's just one party,' I said, 'so don't get used to this. I just want to have a final, proper hangout before I leave.'
     'Well, at least you chose your "final, proper hangout" well since it's gonna be the best party ever! Everyone is saying that it will be! So, did you forget to get dressed, or should I come inside and help you—'
     'Megan. I got dressed. This is what I'm going out with.' She tried to keep her smile on as her eyes looked my outfit up and down again. I was a little discouraged, but I wasn't going to look like a disco ball. 'Now please, can we go?'
     'Ok! Yeah— no, alright. I was just joking! Well, what are we waiting for, let's go!' She said, and headed over inside the car.

Pretty much the entire way Megan lip-synced to Katy Perry songs, and I kept reciting to myself that I would 'stay in control' and that I would 'be in control the whole time'. I also tried to call my mom to tell her about the party, but she didn't pick up so I expected she was still asleep. My phone battery was running low, and I asked Megan for a portable charger but she said she had forgotten it home, and carried on letting her 'colours burst'.
I would lie if I said that I wasn't a little worried about her driving. I seemed to be paying more attention to the road ahead than she did, and I started getting weary when I realised how long she'd been driving for. It turned out to be a forty minute drive to the local forest, and I got a little nervous when our car entered the rough, bumpy forest road. When I heard about the house that the jocks had found I was expecting a cabin behind a park or something, but I never imagined how deep into the woods it would be.
In an end we pulled up in front of a relatively large wooden house. It had been decorated with a few strings of fairy lights, and there were a few more cars parked around the place. I could hear the loud, thumping base of the music from inside the car, and saw lights flashing out the windows with the rhythm of the beat. 'Wow!' I said. 'I mean, who took the time to actually do this?'
'Are you kidding?' Said Megan as we got out of the car. 'It looks great!'
It was quite cold, and the sky had darkened fully. The lights of the house fell strangely on the tall, shadowy trees. I could see people dancing through the windows, and once again I started doubting myself, and my bravery.
'Oh, come on.' I heard Megan say as she wrapped one hand around me. 'It's not gonna bite! Some of the boys inside might, but only if you let them.'
     'Whatever. Fine, lets just go in. And don't drink too much please. You need to drive me back home, remember? And we won't stay any later than midnight.' I said. I would have had to hold her back on the drinks as much as possible, but in the worst case scenario I would drive us back home. I knew how to drive but I didn't have a driver's license.
     Megan looked at me, smiling. 'Oh...' she said, 'I'm gonna miss you!' She pulled me into a tight hug. 'Text me every day, ok? I want to see what you're up to on that beach. And tell me if you see any hot guys!' We both giggled, and I was surprised that my eyes started tearing up.
    I said, 'Alright. I'm ready. Come on, let's go and party!', and we walked inside the front door, where the loud club music engulfed us.

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