Sized Up

Chapter 7

Janelle

"I have class". That' shit replayed over and over in my head the whole way home. I honestly thought me punching Danyella in the face would make me feel better, but it actually made me feel worse about myself. I felt useless, and just as less of a person as she is. I don't have it in me to make anyone life miserable because I know how it feels. I'm just hurt and I want revenge. Revenge doesn't make anything better though, it just brings more sorrows.

Danyella is going to get hers. What goes around comes around. All I can do is pray for her. I rode home and thought about high school. I thought about how me and Rod first met. I was and has always been in love with him, even when him and his homebody Terrence used to joke on me, push me down and laugh at me being overweight. I still loved him. As it both back on memories I felt even worse about myself. I never could keep anything "good" for myself. When I was first moved into my foster home when I was 7 my life had turned into a never ending war. My foster mother Christine hated me, she told me I was ugly, fat, smelly, a slut, anything you name it I was named it.

From that point on until my final high school days I felt worthless, well until I met Lashay. My long lost best friend. I haven't talked to her in years. She made me who I am today. She encouraged me and told me everything I needed to hear. She gave me courage. And I forever thank her.

My phone rang and my memories were broken. I looked at my phone and noticed it was Rod. I rolled my eyes and ignored the call. I don't want to speak or see him.

He called again.

I ignored.

I finally pulled up at my mothers. I took a deep sigh and tried to relieve a little of the stress I began to tole. Walking into the house I saw the last person I wanted to see. There he was, sitting there holding Italy.

"Why are here"? I asked cutting to the chase. "Janelle, can you please just here me out"? He begged. "For what? Why should I? Would you? Everything is self explanatory I've seen if all for myself ain't no need to explain". I yelled.

"Janelle please". He begged.

"No! Shut up". I screamed.

"Janelle please baby I love you" he said.

"All I wanted to do was be down for you, and this is the shit youu do? You sorry huh? It's nothing Rod try me. You wanna know what life is without me? Cuz I'll show you what it feels like to be on the other side of the gun". I assured him.

I grabbed Italy from off of the sofa and walked towards the back.

"I love you, I made a mistake and I can't take it back. Janelle you mean the world to me. And I'd be a fool to loose you". He said.

"Consider your self a fool". I told him blankly.

Although it'll be hard to let him go. I'll have to. I can't trust him, and never will be ever to. Our relationship is ruined. Everything I worked hard to get is washed down the drain. I'll never be able to look at him the same.

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"I do not feel the fear of falling I wanna fly..... If it all goes well, than I will.....

"Broken promise of everything that I thought you were... Thought you said this'll never hurt... That's what it did that is all.....

....and I hope that we don't overdose, cuz we don't ever know when we have had enough.... -jhene aiko 3:16am

I cried my last tears as I related to those lyrics. I just have to do what's best for me and my daughter and that was to move on. I fed Italy and put her down for a nap. I'm just so stressed with all this.

Danyella

"Well, it isn't broken". Linda, the physician here at the gym stated. "Thanks Linda". I said before softly touched my nose. "But you still might want to check out a doctor". She instructed. I nodded, grabbed my things and left. I watched as everyone starred at me as I walked past them as I existed the gym. I'm pissed at the bitch Janelle.

The nerve of her to come in here and hit me? In my face? Hell no. Well I got something bigger than that little punch she gave me. I can make her life and Rods life a living hell and that's by making my little announcement. I was going to keep it a secret for the sake of me and Rods reputation but it'll be big money in my pocket for the world to know that not only were me and the number one NBA draft pick having an affair but he also got me pregnant.

So them ever getting back together is out of the question. Call me childish, immature, you name it; I don't care! That Janelle is going to regret ever stepping to me.

Calling rods phone he didn't answer. I shrugged it off. I don't care. All this drama will be in the media by next week, and money will be in my pocket. I called TMZ and they were more than happy for the news, I'll be going in for an interview by Monday.

Rodkevious

I can't believe my life is officially over.

It's been a week, and I've sat in my room in complete depression. I get up, go to practice, come home and lay and stair at the ceiling. I listen to the same ole sad song and think of how my life went wrong. I love that girl and now she's gone.

"Why don't you stay with me......

Cuz you're all I need...."

Sam smith didn't make my life any better as he softly played through my speakers. Damn I miss her. I don't eat, I don't sleep. I lay in the same position stare at her picture and hope it's all a dream and hoping she'd come back.

She doesn't answer my calls. Nothing. She don't want shit to do with me and I don't blame her.

The doorbell rang and I laid still. If it ain't Janelle I don't wanna see nobody. It rang again. I didn't move.

My phone rang.

I answered it.

"Hello"?

"Come answer the door" her sweet voice sang into my ears. I've never been so excited to hear her voice. I jumped up as quickly as possible and jogged down the stairs.

I opened the door and there she stood. She was so beautiful as she held our daughter in her arms. "Italy missed you, she won't stop crying. I'll be back to get her later". She said as she handed her to me, kissed her hand and walked away.

"Janelle, stop, can we please talk"? I begged for the hundredth time. She huffed, looked around and gave in.

"Fine". She said.

I widened the door and she stepped in. I placed Italy in her bouncer and sat at the table across from Janelle. "Want something to drink"? I asked her trying to break the awkward silence.

"No". She said blankly. Not making eye contact.

"Look, can you just get to the point... I gotta go soon". She said softly. I could see the hurt in her. Damn. I never meant to hurt Janelle. I deserve this resentment from her. I wouldn't want to talk to me either.

"Ok, I was wrong for lying to you. That I know".....

"THEN WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THE TRUH WHEN I ASKED? I knew I should've went with my heart the first time and save my self all the grief". She said cutting me off.

"Janelle I didn't know how to tell you". I admitted.

"Why'd you do it? Was I not good enough for you? Was I boring you? I thought I was being a good wife". She said becoming teary eyed.

"Baby you were perfect. It was me. I'm stupid there was nothing wrong with you... I can't say I'm sorry enough. It's true that you never know what you've got 'till it's gone... And now that you ain't here I can sleep, I don't eat, nothing. Janelle I miss you and I can't imagine life with out you. I swear I'll never hurt you again bang please just trust me". I cried.

She but her bottom lip fighting her tears. Shaking her head. She snatched away from my grip on her hand. And she stormed out, slamming the door behind her. I watched as she left. Hoping she's come back.

Italy started to whimper. Tears flowed from my eyes as I picked her up and kissed her forehead. "Daddy loves you. And daddy's sorry".