I don’t think my real name matters much for this. Most call me Echo these days. In my heart of hearts I know this Blog will be one the most important things I have done in my life.
This is very important; SPECIAL NOTE: Some things in this Blog may be hard to read, may be triggering for some or may make you uncomfortable. I am NOT here to get sympathy. I am NOT here to get views or anything of the sort. I am doing this for ME. If I should get people who read this, welcome, I thank you kindly for sharing my journey. If I do not, it does not matter. I feel I must do this.
I want to make a few things clear before I begin. This will be a long journey for me. To help keep me on my path I have chosen to share this here. At times it will seem like I am being harsh on myself or using self hatred. This is not the case. I want to be honest with myself. I want to dig deep down and really learn who I am.
The truth is I'm unhappy with my life. I really don't know who I am. Sure I know my morals and hobbies, likes and dislikes. But I don't know who I really am. I know that may not make sense, but I feel its true. I'm unsatisfied with how I live my life. It's unfulfilling and purposeless. I have been merely surviving by doing the bare minimum and sometimes less.
What does that mean? I have no sleep schedule. I sometimes go days without eating due to forgetting or simply not having the willpower to do so. I don't shower as much as I should for the same reasons. Gross I know but very true. Nothing will be held back in these entries. I know I don't take care of myself. And that needs to change.
This blog with be my "Positive Mental Attitude" Journey. Some of you out there will be familiar with PMA. That, dare I say movement, is what prompted this idea to begin with. For a long time I have been putting this off. I never started yet promoted PMA.
Recently I met a wonderful group of people, who go by the "Red Tub Family". I know that sounds weird, those out there who recognize this title will know where it came from and why. I will not name it, as its not my creation to share. These people welcomed me with open arms and very extremely kind and caring souls. They made me realize some very important things and gave me a new found drive. I am determined to see this through. How can I promote PMA if I don't live it?
The time for change is now. No more "tomorrows", no more "one day"s, NOW. In this blog I will get to know who I am, log my journey, state my goals and desires, and hopefully one day I will be able to properly introduce myself to anyone who may be reading.
To help me on this journey, I went to the almighty Pintrest and collected journal prompts. A very close person to me is helping me choose three of these questions each time I blog. Some of these questions are deep. Some are silly. Some are learning myself or just talking about life. They will always be at the end of each entry. As time goes, if anyone who may read this, Please feel free to leave questions. I might answer them one day. This first blog there is one bonus question. One I selected. I will start off with it.
"What is your vision for the next year?"
-Over the next year I want to rebuild who I am. Next year I turn 30 on December 21st. When I turn 30 I want to be healthier, happier and live the best life I can. No matter what it takes. No matter what I must change. This WILL happen. It MUST happen. I can not continue to live this way. I am on a path of self destruction via doing the bare minimum. And one day its going to catch up with me in a bad way. I do not want to die knowing i wasted my life away scraping by doing as little as I could.
The following questions were the ones chosen by the person helping me to start this by giving me endless support.
"Are you an Introvert or and Extrovert?"
-This is a hard question for me, as it really depends. When i first meet people or in my normal daily life I am extremely introverted. I like to stay home and I never initiate conversation. I keep my eyes down, headphones on, and keep moving. But after a while as i get to know people I am one of the most bubbly people around. I'll start discussions and talk as much as allowed with those close to me. This very project, this PMA Blog, is a huge challenge to my introverted tendencies.
"What are you passions?"
-I'm not entirely sure what passion means in this sense. I mean I do, but its kind of a hard question. I have things that give me that feeling, that excited feeling where your arm hair stands and you feel this fire inside that nothing can tamper. For me, that is mostly music. Not all music but certain kinds. The kind where you can feel it in your bones. Where the notes wrap around you and you have to close your eyes form the sheer joy of the sound.
Then again I have things where i could discuss them for hours upon hours never growing tired. Like books or movies with great effects or soundtracks.
I also have things that I could do for hours on end and feel nothing but peace and calm in my soul. An example of this is walking through the woods, gardening, or crocheting. I am not sure if all of these are passions or just simply hobbies.
"What book are you reading?"
-Once again, I have gravitated back to "Rose Madder" By Stephen King. It holds a very special place in my heart for reasons I am not ready to share here. I could read it over and over. My copy is frayed with a well broken in spine and so many highlighted passages and notes written in the margins. Easily hands down one my absolute favorite novels.
With those answered and my intentions spoken of, I am going to leave this entry here. I am not sure how often I will update this, Sometimes it may be more, but I will update at least once a week. If you are reading this I thank you so much for your time. Until next time.
With the Warmest Regards Echo
