True Blessings

Chapter Four

"Are you all right?" Alice asked when Sammy called her after the news.

"Yeah."

"You don't sound okay. Did something happen?"

"Grampa told me why he came out. He said he always felt like a girl but didn't understand why and was afraid his father would beat him if he said something."

"Why not when he was older and not living at home anymore?"

"He thinks his whole town would have had him put in a mental hospital. He didn't understand why he felt as he did and thought the best way to stay safe was not to say anything to anyone, even Gramma."

He told Alice what Christie had told him.

"So what do you think now?" Alice asked.

"I don't know," Sammy said.

Silence followed but he could hear typing, then, "I just Googled rapid-onset gender dysphoria and found a link about it. Let me email you the link."

Moments later, Alice's email arrived in his Gmail inbox. He opened it and clicked on the link.

"Who is Zinnia Jones?" he asked. "I've never heard of her."

"I guess she's an activist for transgender people," Alice replied.

Sammy scrolled through the blog, titled, Fresh trans myths of 2017: "rapid onset gender dysphoria."

"I don't understand any of this, do you?"

Silence answered him.

"Alice?"

"I'm reading it, hold on," she replied.

He tried reading it again, slowly, spending time with dictionary.com loaded to define words.

"She's saying the study was a hoax," he said.

"Um-hmm. She says the link to the survey was left at websites run by transphobes – people who hate transgender people – and probably were biased."

He looked up that word: biased.

Unlike Sammy, Alice got good grades in English and Science. Some guys in the school called her nerd but she didn't look like a nerd. She didn't even wear glasses! Still, he didn't think she could understand what Ms. Jones had written.

"She says what your grampa said – that some children keep their feelings hidden until puberty comes. Your grampa is probably right, the puberty makes their discomfort worse and they can't hide it any longer."

More silence, then, "She has links here to doctors and scientists and organizations who recognize gender dysphoria and accept it as a mental condition. She describes late-onset gender dysphoria, when people come out later in life, usually because they feared saying something. Like your grampa."

Now, Sammy was silent.

"Sammy, are you okay?"

Sammy shrugged. "I'm wondering whether I've been too mean to Grampa. But . . . I don't know what to do, now."

"My daddy tells me, whenever you don't know what to do, don't do anything. Just think about it more."

"Yeah. I think I will."

"Would you like me to come over tomorrow?"

Sammy smiled. "Yes!"

"One idea to consider, Sammy . . . "

"What?"

"Maybe your grampa needs a hug to know you still love him."

"I'll give it a thought, Alice."

"All right. I'm going to watch a movie with Mom and Dad. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Sammy said.

He had a picture of Alice on his phone he used for her contact information. He looked at it, wondering whether she'd let him hug her. Then he smirked and put the phone down.

He opened a new browser and typed gender dysphoria into the search bar.

******

Christie was watching a movie when Sammy came down to say goodnight.

"My friend, Alice, is coming to visit tomorrow. You said it was all right for friends to visit."

She smiled. "Yes. She's welcome to visit."

Sammy sat on a chair next to her and watched the TV for a few moments before leaning forward.

"Grampa . . . "

The tone of his voice seemed strange. Christie muted the movie.

"What's wrong, Sammy?"

"I Googled rapid-onset gender dysphoria."

"And?"

"I don't know – I had to have my friend, Alice, explain it to me." He smirked. "I learned new words tonight.

"But Alice said the woman who blogged it – Zinnia Jones – questioned the study, claiming it was biased and didn't ask the right answers or confirm the answers were real."

Christie nodded. "Yes, I read Zinnia's report on it. I follow her blogs. But what do you think?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, Grampa."

She reached and took his hand, feeling elated when he returned the gesture and squeezed hers.

"Thank you for listening, Sammy. I know this isn't easy to understand, and I appreciate your trying. It will take some time."

"I also Googled gender dysphoria and read about some famous people who have it," Sammy said. "Even girls my age. Some are very pretty and I wouldn't think they were transgender."

"Does it matter that they are? Can't they just be pretty girls?"

He shrugged again. "I don't know – that's one of the things I can't figure out: how I'd feel if Alice told me she was transgender and . . . "

He smirked again. "She had my parts."

Christie pursed her lips at that. She knew Arnold had already spoken to Sammy about sexuality. Sammy was close to puberty and Arnold wanted him understanding choices and responsibility. Arnold later told her Sammy wasn't ignorant about sex, which didn't surprise them.

"At this time, Sammy, what parts Alice – or any girl – has down there shouldn't matter to you. Your father has spoken to you about sex, so I won't go further. But you must wait till you're older. By then, you may come to learn parts don't matter. It's what you feel in your heart that does."

He nodded.

"Do you like Alice?"

The blush answered her.

"She's pretty, Sammy."

He nodded again.

She squeezed his hand, not wanting him to let go. But he did as he stood.

"Grampa,"

"Yes?"

"Can I have a hug?"

Christie stood and opened her arms, and Sammy pressed himself against her, tightly embracing her as he had done many years before.

Christie closed her eyes, her lips trembling as she tried to hold back the sob, but it came with the tears.

Sammy heard the sob but said nothing, holding her tighter, hoping it made up for being mean.