Drowse -- Roger Taylor

1

I closed my eyes, put my cigarette to my dark red lips, and took a long drag. I stood there for a moment, holding my breath and absorbing the noises of the pub. I tuned out the people talking around me and focused on the loud bass of the music vibrating through my bones. I was in my element. People, drinks, smoke, sweat, music, and all the fiery passion that comes along with it. It's a distinct kind of beauty, one that only resonates in the heart of chaos, like a storm. I felt a bump against my hip and opened my eyes. My friend next to me was mouthing something but I couldn't hear the words.

"Sorry, I can't hear you! Speak up will ya?" I yelled over the music.

"Drinks!" She shouted back. She gestured to my empty glass on the counter. "Do you want another gin and tonic?"

"Can't say no to that!"

She gave me two thumbs up and turned to talk to the bartender. I resumed my position leaning on the bar and observing the scene in front of me. The crowded dance floor was packed as usual, dark silhouettes pressed up against each other. Every so often I'd catch a glimpse of a cute guy that I could use as another distraction. Booze, men, and a full pack of cigarettes. Everyone needs distractions, mine just happen to not be the healthiest. It was worrying to some, but I could care less. I didn't need sympathy if I could just have a good time. Clouded by my thoughts and cigarette smoke, I hardly noticed my friend returning with two drinks in hand, our other friend in tow.

"Thanks love," I took the drink and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Mandy was one of my close friends whom I lived with. Behind her was another good friend, who was currently sleeping on our couch, Nick. Across from our flat lived Tabitha, who happened to be dating James at the moment, another good friend of ours. He lived on another street, but since they're together he's basically been living at her place. Plus, I think he always feels left out that we all live near each other and he doesn't. I've known Mandy since high school, and met the others at university. Somehow they were able to put up with my antics, so we've stuck together since.

"Who's playing tonight?" Mandy asked Nick, who usually knew the lineups of the different bands that played every Saturday night. It was our tradition to go every week, get completely shit-faced, and stay out until four or later. We definitely have some great memories from it, not all of which I remember. Tabitha prefers not to drink, so she's usually the mom of the group. Not that we need to be taken care of or anything, she was just naturally like that.

"I think next up is a band called Queen," Nick replied. "Never heard of them though, so this will be new." Nick and I met at a show at this very pub and immediately bonded over our love of rock music. He just got evicted from his apartment so he's crashing on our couch. I kind of owed him, since he helped me out a few months ago.

"Queen? That's quite the title to give yourself," said a voice coming from behind me. "Hope they can live up to it." It was James, smiling as he approached us, his hand intertwined with Tabitha's. He gave Mandy and I a hug, and clapped Nick on the back, as if giving him a hug as well would destroy their masculinity. "Good to see ya, mate!"

"Likewise!" Nick responded, handing James a beer. Tabitha came up to Mandy and I grinning and hugged us even though we had seen her just that morning.

"You seem happy," Mandy observed with a knowing smile playing on her face. "You and James were, uh, a little late." She smirked and elbowed Tabitha in the side. "Shagging I suppose?"

Tabitha scoffed defensively. "You both always assume the dirtiest things," she began as she rolled her eyes. "If you must know, we actually just decided to move in together. I mean he already basically lived at my house, so we just decided to make it official, y'know?"

"Aw, that's great, T! So happy for you two!" I told her as I clapped my hands excitedly.

"Yeah me too," she said, her eyes sparkling. "I mean we did shag after, but-"

"Fucking knew it," Mandy mumbled. We all laughed.

"What're you all laughing about?" James asked as he and Nick joined in our conversation.

"I told them the news!" Tabitha responded before Mandy or I could tell them our actual main topic of conversation.

"Are you pregnant?" Nick asked with wide eyes.

"God no!" Tabitha exclaims. "James and I are just moving in together, geez!"

"Oh, that's cool too, I guess," Nick said with a shrug. I snorted as he added, "I'm just having a laugh, of course I'm happy for you guys!"

"Calls for a celebration if you ask me!" I yelled raising my newly emptied glass. "Drinks on James!"

"Wait, wha-" James began, clearly not expecting to hear his name at the end of my sentence, but he was cut off by the cheers and laughs from the rest of us. "Okay, okay, fine, only cause I love you guys."

As he ordered four shots of vodka, I looked towards the stage and noticed the new band, Queen, setting up. The pub seemed even more crowded than before, people buzzing with excitement. I wondered if this had any correlation with the band about to perform. James handed everyone a shot before shouting, "bottoms up," as we all downed the liquid. It burned as it went down my throat but the feeling was so second nature that I didn't flinch, unlike Mandy, who squeezed her eyes shut and crinkled her nose. Tabitha watched with amusement as we all probably shaved days off our lifespan. "I'm just making sure at least one of us lives so I can plan your guys' funerals" she would always tell us, only half-joking.

I heard the strum of a guitar from behind me, the band signaling the start of their set. I turned to my friends and gestured for them to follow me into the crowd. We all made our way close to the front to get a good view. James had his arms around Tabitha, the two of them only with eyes for each other, and I had a drink in hand, my eyes on just about everyone in the pub. Classic. Mandy noticed me looking around.

"Please don't tell me you're looking for another one-night stand." She knew me too well.

"I don't see why it bugs you so much, I'm just having fun," I argue, trying to avoid another lecture.

"I know you. That isn't the only reason you do this, and you know it. Stop hiding from your problems."

"If I stop hiding from my problems, I don't think I'll ever be able to find my way back." Mandy sighed. "I know it bothers you, but I'm fine. I swear." But I wasn't fine. Mandy probably knew that too, but she wouldn't dare bring it up with me, knowing how defensive I get about my issues. Knowing how to put on a mask, I smiled at her reassuringly anyways and squeezed her hand, not wanting to start anything now, or ever for that matter. My feelings can remain pushed down as far as possible for as long as possible. "Now c'mon, the show's gonna start and we are not gonna ruin it by getting all spiritual."

"You're bonkers. But, I do love you. I'm always here for you," she told me for the millionth time, as if it would someday get me to actually open up to her. Sometimes I felt bad for lying to me friends. I mean I tell them about other stuff, boy troubles, school troubles, all that shit. So why do they need me to burden them with other stuff? They know I trust and love them. That should be enough. I kissed Mandy on the cheek and then turned my full attention onto the band, ready for the music to start and night to begin.

K first chapter in so that's kinda cool. sorry for all the details, I like to be thorough. But at the same time i know it's vague af with Leila's background but you will gradually get pieces of that throughout the book. I like to keep u on ur toes ahahhaha

I feel like a lot of this is dramatic but y'know it's more fun like that so I hope u guys enjoy and any feedback is welcome or just leave funny comments either way I'll be entertained 

kisses xx