Must be love on the brain
That's got me feeling this way (feeling this way)
It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain yeah
And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)
No matter what I do, I'm no good without you
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain
"Love on the Brain" - Rihanna
A part of me believes I still love him because we are "meant to be" but people break up and move on all the time. Sadly, the other part of me believes that I am in denial. But how does one know? Yes people break up and move on but they also break up and make up all the time. How many times do you do that before you know it's not meant to be? So here I sit on this lonely night thinking: why do I still love him?
I've vented to all my friends and they all say the same thing. Every. Single. Time.
"He isn't good for you"
"He's doesn't care about you"
"He needs to get his shit together"
"You'll get over it sooner or later"
It is true that he needs to get his shit together, but it's hard processing him not caring about me. How can he not care about me? How can he say what he's said, do what he's done and just not care about me? He's not perfect by any means but that doesn't mean he isn't good for me does it? I've felt a connection with him that I doubt could ever be duplicated so moving on
is no cakewalk, especially because in my heart I want him and only him. Unlike my friends I know him. I know why he thinks the way he thinks. I know why he acts the way he does. I know on the inside he's just a broken little boy fighting for answers to all of life's untouched mysteries.
You don't get to choose what cards you're dealt with, once you have them they are yours to deal with. Everyone does different things with the hand they're dealt. Some people seek help because they realize they can't do anything on their own. Others block any reminder of their past just hoping it'll take care of itself. The past is never just the past. No matter how hard you try to suppress those hidden emotions they always find a way to fuck up your life. There's no way to make someone change. They have to want to do that. He wanted to. And he did, in a way. He showed more compassion. He was open. He was committed.
Somehow though, even with his seemingly happy relationship he still let his deep dark past fuck up his life, unconsciously.
If someone really wants to do something they should be able to just do it right? Not him. He allows his thoughts haunt and taunt him until he feels the need to give up. He thinks of many explanations and excuses that help him figure out what he needs and what's best for him. He conjures up some deep dreadful explanation that expresses everything but the simple truth:
He needs help.
Somehow these excuses always end with me crying, devastated, and heartbroken.
But I still love him...why?
-Malise💜
I plan on adding song lyrics to every chapter just as a creative perk that adds to the story and it's meaning 😬
Sorry for any mistakes I just wanted to get it out
