HER RESOLVE #Wattys2019

Strength

I step down from Dom's car as I anticipate the night I have ahead of me in this big house. Sarah hugged me goodbye as she sensed it I would need it.

I stand in front of my house's main gate as the car passes by and wave my friends bye. Ken and Julia waving simultaneously from back seat and Sarah from front passenger seat.

The guard opens the gate for me smiling a bit. I smile back at him and think how much pity he feels for me although I stay in this luxurious big house or can say mansion.

I laugh a bit on my misery. Again I will enter those doors and hear my stepmother crying because of my existence and because of my antics, as she says.

Even if she is my stepmother, I still love her as she alone raised me as her own. But these recent years has only gave her more sufferings as I look like my biological mother.

A daughter of a stripper will always be a stripper. My mother tried to take all these sentences away but it only made everything worse for her and my younger sister.

I clutch my books and bag as I walk the pathway to my house from the gate. It's cold now and will maybe snow in a day or two.

Winter, cold like my life. I like this season as people get out very less and I don't have to deal with any bullshit and live peacefully for months. So does my family.

I reached the door and ring the bell twice. I just hope no one is upset or angry about anything. I hate it when someone is angry or crying.

The butler opens the door greeting me in. The house is warm and full of pleasant warm light. He helps me with my bag and books and gives it to the maid who handles my room to take stuff to my room.

I enter only to see my family in the lounging area. I walk up to them as they already are in a conversation.

"Elizabeth was faint at hospital again after lunch?" My father asked my mother. They are very aware I am in the room and still are conversing about me.

They both are sitting towards the fireplace on the sofa. My mother drinking tea and my father reading a file from office.

"Yes, dear. It's happening more recently." My mother answered sipping on her tea.

My father hummed and waited for a bit to answer my mother. "We will have to shift her from here. She is finishing her graduation as well. Organisational Psychology degree will help her get great level of positions in job. Maybe New York will be great for her, don't you think?"

My mother stops and looks at my father for a minute. "Yes, dear. She will never suffer there like in this town. Obviously we will support her totally."

"Don't you think it will be best for you my chèrie?" My father said to me with my nick name. I walk towards them and stand in wait for one of them's permission to sit.

My father motions me to sit in between both of them and keeps his file away on the tea table.

I sit near both of them and my father waits for my answer looking at me through his reading glasses with weary eyes.

The thought of leaving my family here and to go somewhere else makes my eyes and heart heavy with tears. I well up.

"Y-yes papa." I crack up in between my sentence while answering him. A tear leaks down my eye and he hugs me by one arm.

"I am doing and trying to do the best for you. I always get hurt when I hear you are having anxiety attacks because of my mistake and end up in hospital in the end of the day. You know I love you.." he wipes my tears and smiles at me.

He again hugs me, "I just want the best for you ma'chèrie."

I hum while I try to control my breathing. My mother rubs my back comforting me.

"Your exams will be finished within the next week. I will tell your Head Master to give your degree and results within the next week of finishing exams so that you can go and enjoy and join wherever you want in New York. Complete all your dreams there."

My father still is hugging me while rubbing my arms in circles. My mother is crying in hiccups beside me. I only nod to his words.

"Never worry about any financial problems I am always there you will have my credit card I will keep money in it everyday. Rent a great house and don't be alone have a friend with you."

He is still calm as he speaks. "Call me whenever you want to cook. FaceTime me and I will teach you." My mother says crying and laughing.

My father loosens his arm around me and looks at me seriously, "Never think you are alone. We are always here to welcome you, ma chèrie."

I smile overwhelmed by all the words and nod. Not a single word was able to come out of me. I look at my mother and she hugs me crushing the breath out of me.

I laugh under her arms and she leaves me in a minute apologizing numerous times.

"I am sorry, ma chèrie. You had to suffer so long and bad because of me. I can only help you get away from this. Get back here when you are settled and show these people who you are." My father says as he wipes tears from his eyes and takes off the glasses.

"I am already proud of you but you have to show them your value, you have to fight this yourself and I feel defeated as a father as I can't help you here." My father bowed his head in shame and defeat from people and world who hurt me.

My father has always been my knight in shining armour. Always saving me from the fall from my cycle or stairs. Always saving me from the bullies in school and in parks. But this battle is not his to save me, it's meant to be won by myself only.

I grab my father's hands and smile at him, "I will win this battle, papa. You just be my side and give me the strength to conquer them all." My father's expression softened and he smiles.

"So you will be alright by yourself for sure, ma chèrie."

This gives me all the strength I need to conquer all the demons in the world.