Bloodlust

8.) Twisted Smiles

The rest of my day went downhill from my brief encounter with Bon, and by the time I was sitting in the cram school, I was ready to go. My day had been utter hell; it had been near impossible to restrain myself, and I had nearly snapped multiple times. I had convinced myself that it would get better, I would get used to it, but now that the end of the day had finally come, I wasn't so sure. Yukio stood at the front of the class, lecturing us about some strange exotic plant. I, on the other hand, was sitting in the back, far from my normal seat. I was in the corner alone, my nails digging into my palms to the point that blood was trickling down my hand and dripping to the floor; my hands shook slightly as I stared blankly at my desk. I kept getting worried glances from both Yukio and my fellow classmates, but I never met their gazes.

"-Rin?" Yukio asked from the front of the room, giving me a look of worry and irritation.

"Uh?" My head snapped up, and I stared at him blankly.

"I asked if you knew the difference between th-"

"No." Yukio blinked a few times, as if I had hit him between the eyes with a dead fish.

"Wh- I- uh. Okay... Suguro?" Bon gave me an odd look, shook his head slightly, and answered the question calmly. Yukio, still shaken, gave an obviously fake smile.

"Yes, that is... Yes. You're right. Well class is almost over, so gather your belongings. Remember that your test is on Friday, and study hard. The True Cross Anniversary dance is next Saturday. I expect to see you all there." As he finished speaking, the bell rang and everyone rushed out the doors of the classroom, myself included. I needed to get out of that hellhole as quickly as I could. As I walked through the door, however, a firm hand grabbed my shoulder. I stumbled back, and turned to see Shura staring at me with an irritated frown.

"Planning on skipping training again?" She dragged me back into the room by my shirt collar. I cried out in surprise as she threw me into a chair. "No way. We need to talk."

"About what?" I stuttered out, my eyes flicking up to look into hers.

"What the hell is up with you? Everyone in class is worried about yer ass. Starin' at the ground, not talkin' to anyone... Suguro told me earlier that he was worried about you because you were just standin' there, starin' into a crowd a people with your shoulders shaking. I saw you sitting there today, just brushin' off Yukio completely." She paused for a moment. "Everyone is worried. Hell, so am I. Jus' tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing," I said, fake cheer filling my voice. "You wouldn't... I'm fine." I gave her a fairly convincing smile, and she shook her head.

"No, you're not." She paused again, this time thoughtfully. "Y'know... It scares me sometimes that your happy mask seems to be switched on like that every time someone tries to talk to you. 'Specially about your feelings. It's just... unnatural to be such a good actor. Only thing betrayin' you is your voice. Shakin' like hell, it is. Now, what about you take off your mask and say how you really feel."

Her comment made my anger bubble up. She was so close, I could smell the blood running through her veins. It smelled amazing, better than sukiyaki after a good day. I wanted it so badly... No, I needed it... My mouth was watering, and I realized that my face had formed a twisted smile. Shura backed up so quickly that she bumped into the table behind her. Her eyes were wide, as if she was seeing the dark side of the moon for the first time. Apparently, what she saw was much more horrifying than she was expecting, and completely different from who she had thought she had known.

"I'd rather not. It'd be better if you didn't know." The smile was still plastered onto my face, and I was slightly disturbed by the fact. I sighed, and the smile faded as I stood and strode past Shura. She was too stunned to stop me, and simply watched as I left the room. I knew that her trust in me was shot now; I had absolutely no chance in getting it back anytime soon. "Well, maybe it'd be better if she didn't trust me," I murmured to myself. "Then at least someone will be there to protect the others if I snap."

I walked all the way back to my dorm, my feet dragging against the rough concrete. When I walked in my dorm room, I saw Yukio hunched over stacks of homework and ungraded paper. He glanced up in greeting, and went back to his work. I threw my stuff down on the floor and walked into my bathroom. I turned on the water, and splashed my face. Glancing down in my hands, I saw that they had around thirty bleeding crescents from my nails in my palm. I saw that four of them were much deeper than the others. I had dug my nails in so deep that they were almost to the bone. I cleaned and dressed them, and walked back into my dorm room. I threw myself onto the bed, and drifted into a fitful sleep.