Until the Sun Falls

Prologue: Eighteen years of Darkness

"Look at me Jackie and remember my words... You must never go out into the sunlight."

I was nearly five years old when my father told me this. I remember that I was about to walk through the front door of our house when he pulled me quickly aside and slammed the door closed. He was very upset, almost frightened at what I had attempted to do, and I didn't understand. I still don't fully understand to this day. I had just wanted to go outside and play with my sister, who would run out the door and come back after a short while with a flower or leaf she picked just for me. She would place them in my outstretched hands and tell me what kind of flower each one was; a daisy, a violet, a poppy. Each flower was vibrant, and still held traces of warmth from the sun. She told me about the great big world that lay just beyond the tightly drawn curtains and bolted doors of the place I called home.

More than anything I wanted to see it for myself, to see what Eilene saw. I wanted to see the blue sky and the puffy clouds it hid behind that came in all kinds of swirling shapes. I wanted to see the leaves change colors in the autumn, and to watch them fall to the ground below. Most of all I wanted to see what made the light that I saw filtering through those leaves, casting shadows and warming the earth.

That is what I told my father that day.

"I just want to see the sun, papa." I had said in the saddest and sweetest voice I could muster. I have always possessed a rather light voice, quiet and thoughtful, so my attempts at being persuasive were mostly successful. But not with my father, not with this.

He shook his head and sighed tiredly as he drew me further away from the front door, and turned me to face him.

He spoke to me softly, "The sun is a horrible thing. Not everything is as it seems."

He patted my slumped shoulder before taking my small hands in his own. "I want you to promise me something, and I will promise you something in return."

I glanced longingly at the door once before nodding.

He continued, "I want you to stay indoors and away from the windows when there is daylight outside."

That was where I began to whine.

"And..." He said before my whine turned into a wail, "I promise that on the days that are cloudy, and when the sun is hidden behind the mountains, you will be allowed to go outside with Eilene. Deal?"

He offered me his hand to shake, and in doing so a small part of the freedom I wanted so badly as well. Even then I knew it was the best I could hope for, so I nodded twice in reply.

"You must never break your promise to me." My father's brown eyes were both sharp and pleading as he looked at me, trying to make me understand the gravity of the situation. "You must never go into the sunlight."

Despite my small victory, it was here that I began to cry. I remember that as my tears fell I began to hear the sounds of rain pattering on the obscured window panes. When my father heard the patter he smiled and scooped me up in his arms. With one hand he opened the door that he had just moments before slammed shut. Holding me tight against his chest he kept his promise, and he brought me out into the gray.

It was my first time being outside, and I was finally seeing the world the way it was meant to be seen, and not by stolen glances through blackout curtains. My mouth gaped open in awe as I took everything in with my eyes. I paid no attention to my sister, who was squealing with delight as she skipped and twirled in the rain. I was watching the flowers bending and moving as they were pummeled by the drops falling from the sky. I twisted my head to follow the birds that bobbed and weaved through the rain, seeking cover. I noticed that the brilliant colors I had come to expect of the outdoors were muted now that the sun was hidden. The sudden storm had dulled the world, and I was momentarily disappointed. But then my father stepped out into the rain with me in his arms, and all disappointment was forgotten as I squealed and giggled along with my sister. I was mesmerized with the feel of the rain pouring down on me, soaking my hair and clothes, chilling me in spite of the humid heat of July. There came a sudden roar of thunder that seemed to vibrate through my chest, and while my sister screamed and my father jumped, I was unfazed.

Being there in the midst of the storm I was consumed with an emotion I could not yet describe. That moment felt like home more than any physical place has ever felt.

That day was thirteen years ago. I am now almost eighteen years old, and I have still never seen the sun.