once // calum hood

4

NOVEMBER

Midterms are finally over and next week is Thanksgiving break. I couldn't be more relieved, honestly. School had been going well, it's just exhausting. I should be used to it by now, it seems like no matter what I do recently I'm still exhausted all the time. Most of my energy goes into trying not to focus on things other than Calum.

Everyone knows how that goes, you end up thinking about the thing you're trying not to think about more than you would've if you hadn't been trying not to. That's my life. Even if it's clear as day that he's not thinking about me anymore, I can't help myself.

Usually, I go for a run when I start thinking about him too much. There's something about the adrenaline running through my veins as loud music fills my head. One day I'll regret damaging my ears, but for now, I'm okay with it.

Today, I've stayed inside and allowed myself to throw a pity party. One day wallowing in my sorrows won't hurt anyone but me, and that's okay. My legs are so sore that I need a rest day anyway. That's what I'll keep telling myself.

I got my school work done for the day earlier this morning, and now I'm looking forward to sitting on the couch in pajamas for the next four hours. As I scroll through Twitter, I don't really find anything interesting. A lot of relatable tweets about midterms, so I retweet those. Switching over to Instagram, there's a picture of Kinley and Drake at the top of my newsfeed. I unfollow her before going to the explore page.

The one day I decide to use my social media, nothing exciting is happening. I clean up my profile, deleting some old and awkward pictures that probably have already been screenshotted by some of the boys' fans. I pause when I get to the top, my last post had been the night before the airport. All of the pictures with Calum were still there. When was I supposed to delete them? Did he remove the ones from his account?

Back on the explore page, I'm about to search his name when a video of him catches my eye in the bottom corner. I shouldn't watch it, but I click on it before I can talk myself out of it.

The caption says, "can u imagine being the girl that makes Calum believe in love again?"

I unmute my phone so I can hear what he's saying.

"It's almost impossible. Love sucks. Don't try it. It's a scam."

It plays over and over again, by the fourth or fifth time I can't hear it anymore. I'm too focused on his looks, his skin seems a little darker, but his hair is cut a little shorter. A red t-shirt sits on his shoulders that looks so good on him.

"It's almost impossible. Love sucks. Don't try it. It's a scam."

His words bring me back to reality. I want to comment, "Can you imagine being the reason he doesn't believe in love?"

I don't, it wouldn't benefit my situation at all. That, and I decided I wasn't going to show him I still cared. After the baby stunt, I can't seem like the only one that still cares because he obviously doesn't.

Asher is with my grandma today, she was visiting for a few days and offered to take him off my hands. That means it the perfect time to go for a run. My pity party wasn't going to happen, not after that. I push myself off the couch and sigh, I really liked these pajamas and didn't want to take them off.

After I'm dressed in an athletic matching set that consists of a long sleeve fitted cropped shirt with high waisted leggings, I slip on my tennis shoes and text my grandma that I'll leave my key under the mat.

It feels good to run around town. It's very different from running on the beach or the quiet neighborhood our beach house is in. I haven't done it since we've been home, I've just run on the treadmill we have in the house because it was the only way to watch Asher at the same time.