Forbidden Love

Chapter 4

My emotions were all out of place after that conversation. Did I indeed catch something for him? Oh God please tell me no!

I got home, tired as usual but this time very different. My heart ached a feeling which was strangely familiar. A feeling I hadn't felt in a very long time. Suddenly, a scorching pain began to take over my little heart. My immediate reaction was to embrace someone and never let that person go. The thought of mother came to mind.

I consider myself a fighter. I tend to chug down my emotions always and never allow anyone to see my weakness. I feel that my weakness is what can be used to take me down, or get me killed one day. I went to my room completely ignoring my evening duties, prepare dinner for father.

I reached for my not so great hidden compartment in my closet. It was just clothes over my box. It was a teal small box which contained the surviving memories of my mother. Inside the box there was a VHS tape with a label on it- My Dearest Daughter. My heart broke into million pieces, its stupid because I have already watched this tape many times when my father was at work.

Also, inside the box I had a small VHS player to play the tape. I connected it on my small television I have in my room. The screen buffered for a while until I heard that melodic, sweet and longing voice of my mother.

"Is this on? Is it working?" My dearest mother asked the camera.

She looked so beautiful. She had such an amazing laugh as well. How I long to have met her in real life.

I laid on the ground with watery eyes as I saw her playing with tiny me. I was running around with my barbie doll, giggling as my mother tried to catch me to put me in front of the camera. A small tear fell from my eyes. Finally, her efforts paid off. We both sat in front of the camera, I was playing with mommy's hair. She began to sing to me.

I Love you so much, so, so much" her voice sounded achy as if she is trying to hold in a cry. I always wonder why? "You will always be my baby...... I will protect you..... Everytime" she sighed. "I'll be in your heart.... whenever you need me.... ohhh.... I Love you so much, so, so much..." Her efforts in holding tears was a failure, she began to cry.

I saw that I gave her a tight hug to her and questioned.

"Why are you crying mommy?" I pouted with sad eyes.

"Nothing my flower." She smiled. "I am just happy to see you today." She faked a smile as she gave me a kiss on my tiny forehead and held me close to her once again.

She embraced me so tightly as if it was the last time. Why did she do that? Did she know that it was going to be the last time she would ever see me? This always tends to be the big question I always have.

I always cry heavily on it. I was so deep into my emotions that I didn't realize that my father was standing at the door of my room. I heard him huffing his throat as to capture my attention. I became shocked when I saw him. He is home! I didn't hear his car. Isn't it early? Why is him home so early?

"What are you doing with that garbage of a video Cassie!" He demanded an answer.

I couldn't find an answer to his question. I hope he doesn't take away the tape from me! I stayed quiet and paused the video.

"Cassie answer me!" Father became annoyed at my silence.

"I long for mother's affection. It is the only thing in which I could have save since you threw away all of the things from mother." I tried speaking clearly.

"Your mother was a whore! She didn't love you. She didn't love me either. She decided to go off with another man. Look at where it got her." He paused and stared at me. "She got killed." He paused another while. "She deserved it."

At that statement where he said 'she deserved it' I grew courage to talk back to him with tears.

"You take that back! Mother loved me! You don't even care about me!" I tried to take in air and control my plead for crying. My throat was heavy as I tried to chug it down. "You don't even love me! You just have me as your slave. It feels that you just have me as if I was just a burden to you, not a remembrance as to why you love my mother."

"Look here Cassie Josephine Murphy. The fact that you have your mother's name as your middle name is one reason as to why I hate you as a daughter. You are the vivid image of that whore who went behind my back. Your mother was a whore and she will continue being one in my mind!" Father huffed and walked away leaving me with a broken heart on the ground.

I couldn't hold in the cry, I slammed on the door and cried on my bed. He is such an asshole!

"Mother loved me. Mother loved me entirely." I tried reassuring myself. "I hate you father. You are not my family. If I get the chance to escape this living hell, I will." I continued to cry heavily.

I know that this beating heart of mines is pumping my mother words telling me that she loves me and it is the same reason as to why she gave me life. She held me for 9 months in her belly. The reason why she sang me that song. Mommy, how I wish I was still small just to have you by my side right now.

"I want to be with you." My mind spoke out loud.

Cassie lives living hell in her household. I just wish I can hug her right now.

Cassie if you can listen, everything will be okay. (hugs her)