A Thousand Words

prologue

I should have seen this coming. I should have notice how her smile always faltered. I should've acknowledged how she always seemed dazed and in her own head. She refused to see me more and more over time. How did I not notice? How did I not see this coming? It was my fault that she was gone. I knew her best and I should've noticed how unhappy she was. I could have stopped this. 

But it was too late. She was gone. I couldn't grasp the fact that I'd never see her again. 

Nothing felt real. Seeing her pale, lifeless body felt like a dream. I expected to wake up any moment now. I would wake up from a restless slumber and reach over for her warm body beside me. 

I knew that wouldn't happen. I knew that this was real and that Jenna was gone. As much as I wanted to deny the fact that she was gone, the proof was right in front of me. 

"Tyler," a voice spoke up in front of me. I realized that I, too, was dazed. I barely acknowledged everyone's condolences as they walked past. 

"Yes?" I snapped. I wasn't in the mood to indulge in any conversation. I was mad that Jenna was gone. I was mad at her for keeping her emotions bottled up. I was angry at myself for not noticing the signs quick enough. I wanted to yell at Jenna and at the world for my frustrations. Sadness had left my body days ago. There were no tears left for me to cry. 

"Sorry," the soft voice spoke. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss."

My eyes locked on the girl in front of me. I had never seen her before. Her dirty blonde hair rested messily on her shoulders. I could tell that she had been crying as her hazel eyes were surrounded by puffy skin. No amount of makeup could hide the fact that she was crying. 

I nodded my head solemnly. "Thank you," was all I could utter out. I thought that would be enough for her to walk away, but I was wrong. 

"Jenna was a sweet girl. She and I were best friends growing up," the girl continued. "I never imagined for this to happen. She was always so bright and–"

"Yeah. I know," I basically spat. I needed this girl to go away. I wanted to leave this mournful place. I didn't want to hear more stories about my girlfriend. It hurt. Just hearing her name felt like a stab to the chest. 

"Sorry," the girl apologized again. I could tell that she was uncomfortable as she fiddled with her fingers and looked down at the ground. "I'm Ella, by the way. If you need anything, just let me know." 

Ella gave me a weak smile before lifting her hand. She held out a small slip of paper. Her number, I assumed. 

I shook my head. I didn't need her help. I didn't need her sympathy or to know the memories of her past. I didn't know this girl. She didn't know Jenna. Not once did Jenna mention her name or show me a picture of her childhood best friend. She was nothing to me. 

I couldn't be here anymore. It was too much. Without grabbing the piece of paper from the girl's hand or muttering a goodbye, I walked out of the door.