A Thousand Words

5.

Ella's POV

My fingers skimmed every surface in sight. My curiosity couldn't be contained as I ventured throughout the living room. I didn't know where Tyler disappeared to, even though he was the one that requested for me to stay. It was unnatural for him to do so, so I found myself graciously accepting his offer in a heartbeat. 

The apartment looked no different than the last time I was here. My touch avoided a few miscellaneous beer bottles and unwashed shirts before halting at a black device. It was obvious that the camera hasn't been moved, let alone touched, in a while. I spotted a small film of dust layered on top of it. Has it really been that long? 

I moved on to the object next to the camera. My hands grasped the book, flipping through its pages. I knew the author and a few of his writings. I had stumbled across his works in high school, entranced by the bitterness of his words. 

"Bukowski...How fitting," I muttered under my breath.

"I'm not an alcoholic if that's what you're insinuating," a raspy voice spoke behind me. I spun around to find Tyler leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom. He looked down at the flame of his lighter as he ignited the cigarette between his lips.

"No. Alcoholic tendencies, maybe, but that's not what I was referring to," I said as I gently closed the book. "I was leaning towards more of a cynic."

The boy scoffed at my words, pushing the lighter deep in his pant's pocket. "More like a realist," he spoke. 

No, I thought. I have read enough works by the author to know that he was not a realist. His words described the life of a pessimistic writer who engulfed his days in prostitutes and drugs; mainly alcohol and tobacco, of course. That wasn't a life someone should want to live. Tyler already had most of Bukowski's traits down–drinking and smoking to fill some type of void.  

We sat in silence for a moment. I stared at Tyler while his eyes were locked on the black device sitting on the counter. Why did he ask me to stay? Why did he want me here?

"Um, I should get going," I say while grabbing ahold of my shoes. 

"Wait–" His voice sounded urgent and solemn. I sat up straight, peering over at the boy. His fingers found way to his hair, slightly gripping on but also combing through. "Wait. Just wait," he repeated. 

"Tell me about her," he uttered. His voice somehow managed to drop an octave. 

I had no clue what to tell him. It was as though my mind went blank. I hadn't thought too much of Jenna over the past month. I refused to allow those memories resurface. I knew that if I did, the tears would never end. 

"I...I don't know what you want me to say," I said, sounding close to a whisper. 

"Please." I could see the sorrow in his eyes. There was a glimmer where they started to tear up. 

I knew I needed to tell him something. I needed to give in to his request before he shut me out again. 

"Um...well I don't really know," I began. "I guess...I guess you could say that Jenna was vibrant. Her positivity radiated off of her. She was also quiet, but she was  the center of attention at the same time." The words began to spew from my mouth as though I was planning on saying this all along. "But not in a bad way of course. As cheesy as it may sound, she was like sunshine. Everyone always admired her. I could see it, but I'm not sure she did. It didn't matter, though. Jenna never cared what other people thought, anyway. She was a free spirit, always whisked away to do her own thing. And she was very passionate. She was passionate for everything she did. She fell in love with every little thing so quickly. I remember how I could never pry her away from a book, even if I tried. Oh, and if there was a song that she'd like, she would play it over and over and over again until I turned off whatever device we were using..."

By then, I noticed how I was rambling. I knew that I could go on and on about her. My hand reached up to touch my cheek, only to notice that it was dry. I wasn't crying over my best friend. Instead, there was a smile on my face in remembrance of her positive figure. I realized that I wasn't the only one smiling. The corners of Tyler's mouth lifted up into a grin, but it didn't last very long. 

"Sounds like her," he said while inhaling smoke from his cigarette. 

"Yeah," I agreed. 

We sat there in silence once again. I didn't mind, though. The tension between Tyler and I managed to dissipate completely. I wanted to ask him so many questions, but I feared that he would build his walls back up; back to where we started. Even with warning signs going off in my head, I decided to go for it.

"Do you have a favorite memory with her?"

His brows scrunched together, thinking. "No...I don't do favorites, especially not with her. There were too many to choose from," he spoke. "I managed to capture every moment that I could. Every picture I have...I remember every memory behind it." Tyler looked over at the laptop and shook his head. 

I couldn't help myself as the words slipped out of my mouth. "Can I see?"

Without looking at me, he nodded his head. It was as though he had given up on fighting my intrusion. He pressed the last of his cigarette in the dish before him and pulled out another one from his pack. I stifled the urge to lecture him on his habits and grabbed the laptop.

It's cold base sat on my bare legs. I clicked on the colorful icon, indicating the photos application. Instantly, the screen was flooded with her face. There were too many for me to go through all of them. Instead, I skimmed through his folders in bulk. 

She was smiling in most of the photos. I could feel my heart swell at the sight of her. Jenna's blonde hair glimmered brightly like a star contrasting the darkness of night. Her wide grin radiated like the sun on the brightest of days. She looked like she was filled with so much warmth and full of life. There was no telling when her smile became a facade. No wonder Tyler was hurting so much. Jenna hid her true emotions so well that he didn't see it coming. 

A droplet splashed the surface of the keyboard. I was crying. 

"Um, I should go," I said, closing the laptop and placing it on the table. I wiped the inner corner of my eyes before more tears could fall. Tyler stayed quiet, but I could feel his eyes watching my every move. I slipped my shoes on quickly, bolting for the door.

I made it to the hallway before I could feel my heart drop to my stomach. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks. 

Would I have noticed if I was here? Would she have done it if I never left? 

My mind was consumed with so many questions to notice that the door had opened. I felt arms tightly wrap around me, but I refused to look at the figure that had embraced me. 

The tears continued to flow. It felt like it would never end.