Rant/ unpopular oppinions

Lonely

May have strong language
And or triggering content.
Viewer discretion is advised

You see that girl over there in the corner? yeah thats me.... hi.

I have always been 'that loner kid in the corner'. I used to be reallg outgoing and extraverted, but the past few years have changed.

I started having less and less so called "friends" i didn't mind at first, but after a while i started getting anxious. Thinking who's going to leave me next or about my rEaL friends. I started not trusting easily.

I was being used by my so called "friends".

They wanted me to 'be there for them'. And when I wasn't there they left me.

Yeah i have two really good friends that i trust with my life, but they both live over three hours away.

My internet friends are amazing and i love them, but I've never met them in person.

There is a fine line between alone and lonely.

                      A•lone
    /e'lōne/
                       Adjective &adverb
Having no one else present; on one's own.

                      Lone•ly
    /lōnlē/                Adjective
Sad because one has no friends or company.

Being alone can be fun, being lonely is never fun.

Lables:
Something I despise

I don't like labels, never have never will. Labels are stupid and I don't agree with any of them.

Labels can cause stress- no can, labels DO cause stress and anxiety. Anxiety leads to depression, and depression can lead to cutting, or worse death.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and i know it's worse in other country's.

Thinking:
There are no dangerous thoughts; Thinking itself is dangerous.

I think way too much.
I doze off thinking at least 25 times a day.

This is something i thought about for a long time, i've never shared this with anyone. I wrote it down in my journal, trying to get it out of my head. It worked for a while but i started thinking again.

Lonely: i feel empty inside, like i have no purpose. I cut myself off from the world, not letting anyone get to close, not giving them my trust.

On another page i wrote

'There's just something about the darkness. It's a comfortable silence, i feel at peace. Darkness makes me feel safe.'

I've had thoughts like "would i feel better if i cut?" But i never did anything.

Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows how many times I've sat in my room and cried, nobody knows how many times I've lost hope, how many times I've been let down. No one knows how many times I've held back the tears,or how many times I've felt like I'm about to break, but I don't, for the sake of others.
No one knows, cause do they care? No!

You know, i say 'sorry' a lot. Mostly because i think everything is my fault.

I've been called things...things no one wants to be told.

Things like "you're fat" or "worthless". I learned to tune out what people think about me. If they don't give a shit about how i feel then I won't give a shit about them.

It's okay to be sad, it's okay to let them see that you're not okay.

Its okay to not be okay.

As for me, i put on a fake smile and say "I'm fine" even tho you can see it in my eyes that I'm not.

                    
   

Surround yourself with people that push you to do better. No drama or negativity. Just higher goals and higher motivation. Good times and positive energy. No jealousy or hate. Simply bringing out the best in each other. -warren buffet

Welp this is the end thx for reading. 👍