Paint by Numbers

It's Just a Bike Ride

Okay so this is based off of a thing that happened to me. It was kinda traumatic. Yes I'm scared of bikes. You can laugh all you want it's fine I know it's funny and stupid and irrational. But yeah.

I'm terrified of riding a bike. No joke. I can't do it. Damien makes fun me all the time and I know it's an irrational fear but if he went though what I did he would be too. That's why I'm freaked out when Cady asks me to go on a bike ride with her.

I should have said no but she just learned how to ride a bike and she was so excited. So I said yes.

Cady rides her bike up the driveway. "Look Jan I'm doing it!" She calls.

I smile weakly. "Good job sweetheart."

She giggles.

"Are you gonna get your bike?"

"Yeah" I say feeling my heartbeat quicken.

I come off the porch Cady is still riding in circles around the driveway. I take a deep breath and open the garage door. I don't have a bike and Damien's at rehearsal for whatever show he's in. So I can use his bike. We are about the same height and I have longer legs then him so it should work. What show was he in again I think trying to distract myself...Newsies? No, I tell myself focus on the bike. Get the bike. Get Damien's bike.

I grab his shaking as I grab the handlebars and wheel it out of the garage closing the door behind me.

"You ready?" Cady asks

"Ready as I'll ever be" I tell her.

"Okay let's go"

"Okay"

I take a deep breath and mount the bike still shaking. I feel the panic rising and tears forming in my eyes but I ignore it.

It's fine I tell myself...it's just a bike ride. Your fine your on flat ground you are fine.

I start to pedal after Cady. The driveway is on a slight angle and I feel it as I begin to pedal towards the sidewalk.

That's when I lose it.

I scream jump off the bike letting fall to the ground.

Cady stops and turns around. She drops her own bike and runs towards me. "What's wrong?" she asks her eyes full of concern.

"I can't do this." I manage to get out between sobs.

"Do you not know how to ride a bike? I can teach you!"

I shake my head. "I-I-it's n-not th-th-that." I can't breathe. I'm hyperventilating and I can't stop crying. I know I'm having a panic attack but I try to calm down. "I-I'm f-fine don't w-worry"

"Jan...you should sit down."

All I can is nod as she leads me to the porch and sits me down hugging me tightly like she likes to be hugged when she has a meltdown.

I take deep breaths trying to calm myself down. She sits there hugging me until I do.

I'm still crying but no longer having a panic attack.

"Now will you tell me what is wrong?"

I take a shaky breath and nod. "When I was younger, before my parents kicked me out, my dad thought it would be a great idea to take me mountain biking. I fell right away but I got up and kept going and I just kept falling. I fell so many times and it hurt to ride the bike from all of my cuts. And then I had a panic attack and he laughed at me! He thought I was just being a dumb kid. When I finally calmed myself down I couldn't get back on the bike. I still have scars from the falls. I haven't rode a bike since."

"You're scared?" She asks.

"Yeah Caddie I'm scared...god I must look so pathetic I didn't even get out of the driveway."

"You're not pathetic. You always tell me it's okay to be scared. We don't have to go for a bike ride if you don't want to."

"Thanks sweetheart"

"Can we watch a movie instead?"

I laugh. "That sounds good."

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