Paint by Numbers

Fibromyalgia Can Die In A Whole

I did a little research for this part because I wanted it to feel real and be as accurate as possible. Hope you enjoy.

As soon as I woke up I knew it wasn't going to be a good day. My head felt foggy like it always does before a flare up. I should have expected it I had a good couple of days I'm probably overdue for a bad one.

Even though I got a good sleep last night, well good by my standards I only got up 4 times, I feel like I didn't sleep at all. I sit up and start to get out of bed. Pain shoots up my legs as I stand and I have to brace myself on my bed in order to keep from falling over.

I look at Picasso sleeping soundly on my bed. He looks so peaceful and I really don't want to wake him up but he's a service dog, this is what I have him for.

"Picasso!" he wakes up and looks at me waiting for his next command.

I look around for his vest, still leaning on the bed. Pain shoots up my arms from the effort of holding myself up. I spot his vest by my bed room door. There is no way I can get across the room to get it.

"Go get your vest." He leaps off the bed careful not to knock me over and runs across the room retrieving the vest.

I take it from him my knees almost bucking as a take my arms off the bed.

"Brace." I lean against him and begin to take slow steps towards the door.

My room is upstairs. I have to get down the stairs to the kitchen to take my meds. Mom, well Ms. Hubbard back then, offered me her room downstairs when I first moved in the summer before freshman year and she found out about my fibro. I refused. I had already felt like I was intruding by staying in their guest room no way was I going to take her room.

I finally make it downstairs and see Damien sitting at the table eating a donut. His face turns concerned when he sees me. I realize that I've been crying. I was too focused on getting downstairs in the least painful way possible to notice.

"I'm fine" I say before he can ask. "I'm just going to take my meds I'll be good. Don't worry."

"No you're not fine." He grabs another donut out of the box. "Sit down and eat breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"You can't take your meds on an empty stomach. I know you loose your appetite when you have a flare up but if this lasts a couple of days you will are going to loose a lot of weight and it will make you feel even worse."

I don't have the energy to argue and I don't know how much longer I can stand. I sit and slowly nibble at the donut. Picasso sitting eagerly at my feet. 

"I have tech today. I have to leave in a couple of minutes and I won't be home until 11 so I'm going to call Caddie to take care of you."

My entire body feels like it's on fire, and I can't think straight. I don't want Cady to see me like this, but I know have no choice; Damien will call her no matter what I say. I nod. My throat too sore to talk, I know I haven't lost my voice but I really don't think I can deal with even slightly more pain at this point.

He walks off into the other room to finish getting ready and I continue to nibble at my donut and stare off into space. Even my jaw hurts. God this is going to suck.

"Caddie is in her way." He takes the top off of his sticker covered Hydro Flask and hands it to me. "I made this tea for rehearsal but I pick up some Starbucks on the way. Drink it, it will make your throat feel better." I nod again.

I shove the last bit of donut in my mouth and try to stand up to get my pills. Damien pushes me back down. "I'll get it"

I lay my throbbing head on the table and wait.

He hands me my meds and I quickly take them.

I hear a knock on the door and Damien goes off to answer it.

"She's in the kitchen." I hear him say.

Cady walks into the kitchen. "Hey Jan, Damien said you were having having a rough day."

"Yeah" I say horsely.

"I'm so sorry darling. I'm going to do my best to make you feel a little better. I know there's not much I can do but I'm going to try."

I smile as best as I can.

Damien runs in the kitchen and grabs his script off of the table. "I gotta go JanJan" he says gently rubbing my shoulder.

"I'll be okay."

"I know you will"

He quickly hurries out the door leaving Cady and I alone.

"Do you want to sit on the couch?" She asks.

I nod. "Ok do you need help getting there?"

"Picasso can help me."

"Okay."

As soon as stand up I realize how much the pain has gotten. I almost fall over. Even with Picasso's support. I end up needing the support of both Cady and Picasso to get to the couch.

"Do need anything? Water? Food? A blanket?"

"Can you grab my heating pad from upstairs on my bed and my tea from the kitchen; it's in Damien's Hydro Flask."

"Okay I'll be right back."

She comes back with the heating pad and tea and a pillow.

"I figured you might be more comfortable with this" she says holding up the pillow.

"Thank you. Can you put the heating pad on my thighs?"

"Of course"

She lifts my head and puts the pillow under it and heads to the kitchen to warm the heating pad up in the microwave.

She comes back and sets it on my thighs like I asked. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"That sounds good."

"What do you want to watch?"

My head is too foggy to think of any movies. "I don't know. You pick something."

"Okay. What about Lion King?"

"Sounds good"

She puts in the movie and sits at my feet.

I can't focus on the movie at all. The pain in my body is overwhelming. I moan, tears falling down my cheeks. I close my eyes wishing it would just go away.

"Awww Jan.." Cady coos. I look up at her. She is so worried. "Is there anything I can do?"

"H-hold me. Not-t t-tight th-though."

She gets up and moves to the other side of the couch. Taking the pillow out from under my head and gently lifting me into her arms, gently stroking my hair.

"I-I'm sorry y-you have t-to w-waste your d-day taking c-care o-of m-me."

"Darling taking care of you is not a waste of my time. I love you and I hate to see you in this much pain I will anything I can to help you."

"I l-love y-y-you too"

I try my best to relax. The heat from her body helps slightly to ease the pain. "Fibromyalgia can go die in a hole." I say.

Cady laughs. "I couldn't agree more."

God this is long. Hope you enjoyed. I know it sucks but I tried. Comment your thoughts and don't forget to vote.