Esme Potts had suffered from PTSD and severe anxiety for as long as she can remember, the trauma of her childhood having haunted her each and every day as she aged. Years have gone by and not a single sign of her improving has shown. She thought her...
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"ESME ... I need you to go back to that night ... that winter night when it all happened. Can you do that for me?" The soft feminine, yet monotone voice spoke soothingly into her ears like a melody, making her mind fuzzy and scattered as her eyes closed, darkness invading her sight.
"Yes." Esme let out in a harsh breathe, chest exhaling air shakily.
"Okay." There was a dull noise filling the void resembling a buzzing, and as the seconds went by the noise grew louder. "Let your mind let go of any remaining memories until that night is all what's clouding your mind ... Just let the night replay in your head like a tape player. Think of the scenery, noises, and the feelings you had while letting them take over your body, Esme."
The voice drifted away from her ears, and Esme's thoughts seemed to disperse completely until she was focusing on that single night, the night that ruined her life. Unconsciously, she gripped the armrest making her knuckles turn white as the memory began to completely invade her.
"Tell me what you see."
The words were almost nonexistent and seemed to go in one ear and out the other. Screams were echoing in Esme's head making her breathing erratic, chest heaving up and down frantically. She could feel a burning sensation begin to form in the creases of her eyes, hot tears cascading from the corners, not going unnoticed by the woman present.
"Esme!" The familiar, angry voice filled her head making Esme's bottom lip tremble, a sob building up in the pit of her throat. Despite years having gone by since the night, Esme could remember his voice so vividly. She could still remember the deep and scratchy tone that sent chills down her spine as if he was right beside her, screaming in her face. "Esme, don't run from me!"
Esme then felt a pain surface from the pit of her stomach slowly, her whole body burning with an uncomfortable feeling as a numbness took place. She knew that feeling all too well. It was a overwhelming pain which only grew stronger until she heard the unwelcome sobs escape from her lips.
"Esme, what do you see?"
The woman spoke louder this time, but Esme didn't faze nonetheless. All she could focus on was the images that flashed in her mind. She could see her Mother screaming in pain, glass littering the floor from the broken mirror, blood painting the shards like a canvas. She also saw the blood trickling down her Mother's face, creating a puddle of crimson on the cold tile floor.
What pushed Esme over the edge was the image of a man standing before her, towering over her Mother with bloody hands clenched in fists. Esme heard her heartbeat consume her eardrums until she physically felt the pounding as he slowly turned towards her, thick glass shard in his hand, ready for the inevitable. She remembers the cries that left her lips that night as she begged him not to hurt her. She was only a little girl, only a child. She was helpless. But nothing stopped him.
Esme's eyes shot open followed by her abruptly standing up, breathe ragged and vision blurry from tears. Her lip trembled as she almost felt the blade pierce her skin just as it did once. Esme quickly wiped the remaining streaks of tears with shaky hands, avoiding the woman's worried eyes.
"I'm sorry." Esme spoke quietly, voice weak and quivering resembling her form. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Cho."
"Esme-"
Even as Dr. Cho stood up to stop her, Esme was almost running out of the room, her mind racing with thoughts that she knew would only grow worse. Her heartbeat didn't stop for a second, the drum filling her ears deafeningly. She felt a pierce like pain going throughout her whole body starting from her chest and down to her toes.
Her feet carried her subconsciously, and she couldn't comprehend anything around her. She felt sick, and her mind was beginning to become foggy all too quickly making her sway in her quick steps. What brought her back into reality was the feeling of soft yet firm hands grasping her arms, stopping her altogether.
Turning around hastily, Esme's tear filled, hazel eyes met deep blue ones surrounded by freckles making the bright sienna's stand out. Without a second thought, Esme wrapped herself into the embrace of the red headed woman, hair resembling Esme's strawberry blonde hair.
"Sweetheart ... " Pepper trailed off sadly, warm body heating up Esme's cold one. "Hey, it's okay I've got you. Let's count together, give me your hand."
Pepper had already grasped Esme's small hand between her own, caressing the shaking limb soothingly. Tapping her wrist twice, Esme opened her hand so her palm lay flat. The whole process was routine, as it was a coping mechanism that they developed together whenever Esme had her anxiety attacks.
"Okay, count with me." Pepper said while her forefinger grazed her palm in a circle before coming to a halt in the middle of her hand, tapping once.
"One." They spoke together, though Esme's voice was drowned out and shaky. Pepper smiled while pushing a strand loose of hair behind her ear with her free hand.
"Two." They said once more as Pepper tapped gently on her skin, and Esme felt her breathing come down slightly. As they continued to count together, Esme found her sobs coming to a halt, heart beating back to its normal pace. The burning sensation that seemed to consume her whole body was fading into a dull ache before turning into a small buzz, slowly fading altogether. When they reached ten, Esme felt her convulsing stop, but instead felt guilt surface in her stomach while overcoming the fear that was there only a few seconds before.
"I'm sorry ... I-I tried to get through it and fight it but-but it was too strong-" Esme started off, her free hand coming up to her hair to tug at the roots in frustration. Pepper stopped her words by pushing her chin up, Esme's eyes meeting homely blue ones once more.
"But your stronger." Pepper said making a small smile graze Esme's lips, her own lopsided one following. "Now how about you go to your room and I make Tony get us some of your favorite butter pecan ice cream from OddFellow. Then, we can binge watch Friends if you want."
A angelic laugh escaped from Esme, her eyes squinting from habit as well as her nose crinkling at the top, perfect teeth fully on display. Pepper watched the rare action carefully, and savored the small moment.
"Okay." Esme said while taking small hesitant steps backwards, pursing her lips. "I love you."
"I love you." Pepper spoke before turning around, heels clicking as she strutted away from Esme. She felt her heart swell at words and the secret meaning behind them.
When Esme was younger, they had promised each other never to say 'too' after 'I love you' so they knew they weren't just agreeing with each other. Ever since then it had stuck, and it still reminded Esme how much Pepper cared for her. Without another thought, Esme quietly walked back to her room, and for once her heart was full.
